I'm still here!

I haven't fallen off the planet!
I still mean to catch up with my Lydia updates!
I haven't forgotten about my blog!

I don't have time to continue with photos and such of my gorgeous girlie tonight, but because it has been SO long (and because it's been on my mind to update, tonight), I wanted to update briefly.

We moved house and relocated at the end of August. We have been here a whole month in two days, and we are starting to properly settle in now. There are still boxes everywhere, and so much still to be done in the house, even though it was in perfect condition when we arrived! I cleaned a toilet in this house for the first time yesterday. Yup, it has been hectic, and there are not enough hours in the day for anything!

Also I have had set-backs, which are frustrating me. I injured my back doing, well, nothing! :/ Lying on my tummy, propped up on my elbows to view my laptop, as that was the only place for the near-useless temporary internet signal, before our proper phone and internet was set up. Apparently my lower back thought that was a really BAD idea. I found a local chiropractor and see him every Saturday at the moment, because I have a TON of stuff going on with my back and neck, as it turns out! The back injury was the worst back pain I have ever had since my back labour with Arthur. Seriously. It kept me awake at night and made me feel queasy and faint and tearful all day. The boys had to take instructions from me about getting breakfast in the mornings, UNTIL lovely Nicola (who I happen to have moved near to!) came and watched ALL my children with two of hers, and I went to have my back seen to.

Then I got mastitis the next week. I had mastitis twice since Lydia turned 8 months old (before this bout), which came as a huge surprise to me because I've never suffered with it before, with the exception of one occasion when Elijah was a week old. I had antibiotics prescribed but ended up clearing the blocked duct myself and then the fluey horrible feelings went away so I didn't take the antibiotics after all. I'm keeping them just in case though! So, mastitis, round 3. This cleared again in 2 or 3 days thanks to Lydia coming down with the cold the boys caught at our first visit to a local church - she breastfed all night long every 15 mins! I was so tired, but at least it helped the mastitis issue! I guess I overcompensated with nursing more from the affected side (like you're supposed to) because a few days later I had mastitis in the other breast. :( It was worse than the first side, and got much more red and swollen and painful, and it took 4 days to clear instead of my "usual" 2-3.

We started homeschooling 2 weeks ago, and I only seem to get 2 days in before I'm unwell and have to stop for a couple of days! Then I'm up and at 'em again for two more days, and BAM, something else hits me. Like Monday evening (after ONE day of school this week) when I felt nauseated like CRAZY all night (couldn't sleep for it) with stomach pain, ugh. I struggled through Tuesday with Neil at work, not really eating, but not feeling any better. Finally Wednesday I felt better, but so weak and exhausted. We have managed to do some school since then, but I'm back to feeling like I did earlier in the year, utterly spent and exhausted, with all my classic symptoms that I'd had back then - AWFUL jaw joint pain (constant and distracting - it hurts to talk and smile so much sometimes that I try not to do much of either. :( ), IBS and gastritis off my previous scale, shaky, heavy muscles, muscle twitches, etc. And major anxiety. I wonder if it's ALL anxiety, as I started to wonder before...? I can't even remember what I did to make it better in the end - it lasted (ebbed and flowed a bit) for MONTHS and months. I have been a bit slack on taking my adrenal support supplements, so I am back on those this week, properly. Otherwise I just don't know what to do. Just plug on, I suppose. I'm trying not to give the symptoms much attention, but it's so hard when they're so... THERE.

Anyway. Alongside all these shenanigans, and the humongous upheaval of moving/relocating, my children continue to grow up!

Arthur is going to be 10 - TEN!!!! Double figures!!!! - in a matter of about 6 weeks. I know I've been blogging here for longer than his existence, but still, it seems kind of poignant that the child I began this blog for, will be a whole decade old soon. It is so very surreal to me! It feels like no time at all, in some ways. I have nearly reached my little personal goal that sits in the back of my mind, of breastfeeding without a break for a decade!! :) It started sitting there when I only had toddler-Arthur and baby-Matthew! It seemed pretty unlikely at the time, just wishful thinking - and look now! :D

Matthew is 8, Nathan is 6 and a half. Benjamin is 5, and has just started school this month! Unbelievable! Samuel is 3 and a half - he will be 4 in December, and tiny 'Lijah is 2 years and 4 months old already. He is just starting to outgrow size 12-18 month clothes and size 4.5 shoes, and talks in full and detailed sentences, with fine motor skills that none of my 2 year olds before him have possessed. Love that tiny little man!

Lydia, meanwhile, is proceeding at a crazy pace towards her first birthday! She is 11 months old, and less than 4 weeks away from her birthday now.

I was realising tonight that in my whole childbearing season, alllll these babies, I have never had an 11 month old (Matthew was 11 months and a few days old though) without being pregnant again, until now.

No, I am not pregnant. It's REALLY strange! I am mostly feeling neutral about it. The weirdest thing to me is my periods. Some of my friends have recently pointed out that I'm not charting, and it's because there is nothing to chart! I had 3 periods, pretty quickly after Lydia was born. I am annoyed with myself because I forgot to chart the last two (I think, two?), and any of the fertile signs like EWCM beforehand, etc. But yeah, normal cycles resumed (as always). Then came this "unwellness" in January or so, and my periods stopped. Now it's nearly October, and I still haven't had a period. Nada. I haven't had any fertile signs. I have had one or two episodes of EWCM, for a day or two at a time, but not for a month or two. I have had low pelvic discomfort and crampiness, but honestly I have almost forgotten what period or ovulation pain feels like, it's been so long! And I have also had low back pain or IBS so I could be confusing things.

Anyway, so I'm not pregnant, and I don't see that happening for a while in any case, because, well, I am not having periods or ovulating. I feel almost.... it's almost a scary feeling, to actually spell it out like that! I don't know why. It's inevitable eventually anyway, and I feel perfectly accepting of that, but I am not sure what to make of this, at this time. Is this it? I know lots of women don't have cycles or ovulation for a year or more after giving birth, but that's not me, is it? That's nowhere near my norm, and why would I suddenly change after 7 babies? Unless it's NOT to do with just random breastfeeding-related stuff. I mean, I DID have three cycles, and then they abruptly stopped, so I think the postnatal breastfeeding hormone stuff doesn't apply to me.

Maybe it's health-related? That is definitely a good possibility, with how stressed I've been and how physically I've been exhibiting it. I do have an anxiety disorder, and it seems to be going FULL BLAST this year, for the first time in my life, I think. I have lost more weight than I normally do, as well. I'm now 8 stone 4lbs, which is the lightest I've been since before Arthur was born. I was lighter before having any children, but I've never gone back down this low between babies. I am not actually all that thrilled about losing so much weight. I would rather be a bit heavier as I don't think it helps me to be too light, energy-wise.

The other thing that occurs to me, is that it's much, much more simple than that. All these years I have been saying that we allow God to choose our family size, and the timing of the babies He chooses to bless us with. He opens and closes my womb as He sees fit, and one day He will definitely close it for good - that's just the next season in life. But maybe right now, God is just being gracious to us? It might seem "out of my norm", and not the usual thing, and like I can't explain it, but actually, God knows. God just KNOWS. It would make sense to me that a gracious God who KNOWS me and KNOWS all the ups and downs of life this year, would close my womb for a time to give us a break from bearing babies.

I am not crazy broody like I expected I would be. I think it's because I am overwhelmed with life right now - the very reason that maybe God has shown me grace by closing my womb. But underneath everything going on, and the exhaustion and anxiety, and how scary it would be to think of coping physically with another pregnancy and newborn season, I really would LOVE to have another baby. I am not sure if I will now. I will be 39 in February. I'm not a young mummy any more. I know I'm still "just" in my 30s, but on the other hand, I know women who have already started menopause by this age, and my own mother (and hers) were perimenopausal between 40 and 42 (and full on menopausal at 42). It doesn't mean *I* will be, I know that too. I will wait to see how GOD writes MY story. But I know it's a possibility, and even if it's not now, I know the years ahead of me are dwindling and few. It makes me feel sad, but not raw, if you know what I mean. Just wistful, and thankful, and ohhh, if only I had time for ONE more! That sort of feeling. :) I know everything has its season - it's God's design, and I trust Him.

So, that's where I am right now. Wondering. Maybe Lydia is my last baby? Neil thinks so. He always says that after each baby though, since Matthew, lol! ;) There IS a sense of change, of moving-on, that has come with moving house. I have birthed 5 babies and brought home the other two, in our previous house, where we lived for 13 years (I was so sad to leave!!!). Now, here we are. In a beautiful house, big enough for us at LAST! :) But have we left behind those years of bearing children? Is this a new season, along with a new location and new home? Maybe not, but the feeling leaves me wondering....

And along with the above feeling, there's another "wondering". The fact that my heart's desire was for a daughter alllllll these years. And when I was six years old my sole desire for my life was to have six children, one for each year of my age. :) So, God has blessed me with six children. After Elijah, I wondered if maybe that would be all my children, because I had had six. I knew that God knew I longed for a daughter, but I was SO blessed with six children, all boys being neither here nor there! So that didn't matter. :) THEN God blessed me with my baby girl! He is wonderful and I love Him! :) But was it a P.S. at the end? I feel greedy enjoying birthing babies so very much, and longing for more, even though I know it's a God-given enjoyment and He *intends* us to love it and long for more of His blessings...

So much pondering, and I've been wanting to use this blog to do it for SO long - months and months, but I just had so much catching up to do here first, and never got around to it. So now I'm making time. Now maybe the babies have stopped coming?

My heart says I would dearly love a sister for Lydia. I would LOVE to have another baby girl. I would love to use the precious girly clothes that I'm reluctantly folding into boxes and putting away as Lydia outgrows them - to use them on one child only feels SO FEW after the wearings-until-they-fall-apart of the clothes for my little boys! ;) It feels like not enough wear! I so want to use them again on another daughter. Silly little things, like how much I would love to say phrases like, "My girls" (see how that makes a glow like warm mahogany shine through my whole being as I think it!), and "my sons and daughters" (HOW blessed?!?!!!), and "Your sisters" (to the boys), etc. I would love all of my boys to be able to say that they have brothers and sisters. I have always wished, as a child, that I was blessed enough to say "my brothers and sisters" like some of the children in books I read. Ultimately, I would love to have 3 daughters so that ALL my children can say they have brothers and sisters, ha! ;) And more daughters = more best friends for mama! :) My mummy is my best friend (aside from Neil), and I would love that kind of bond with my own daughter(s).

On the other hand, I would also love to have another baby boy - that is to say, I would not be disappointed if I had a baby boy instead of a baby girl. I think I would be disappointed that Lydia didn't have a sister (I SO want that for her!), but I wouldn't be disappointed with my precious boy baby! :) If Lydia had been a boy, I think we would have called him Daniel, because although we were thinking of Toby, I wasn't settled with it in the end, and was already preferring Daniel before we found out she was a girl. I liked the flow with the other boys' names, and it's another letter we haven't used yet, which I'm liking! :)

So yes, I would love another baby. I wonder... I wonder... Will it ever happen? I can't know, and I have no power over anything - it's all out of my hands. No periods, no fertility, no knowing if or when it will come back. I just have to wait, and leave it in God's hands, which is the very best place for it to be.

I know I should catch up on Lydia's earlier photos first, but I can't right now, and I can't resist finishing this update with a few photos! :)  So, here we all are last month, literally before we drove away from our old (WAY too small!) house. And here are all my babies on the lawn in our new back garden. :) These are all taken with the mobile phone, so not great quality, but never mind! :)

And finally, two photos of my precious baby girly, about a week or so ago. Her hair continues to grow, and these photos were taken because I was so amazed that all of her hair now fits into a pony tail on the back of her head! She is so girly in her voice and some of her mannerisms - I still delight in noticing all these things! :) She is walking a lot now - my earliest walker at 10 months old! She now sets off walking more often than she sets off crawling (just this week), and can take 12 or more steps at a time, though she usually falls after a handful of steps still. She is into opening cupboards, emptying shelves, eating anything she finds on the floor, and climbing. She likes getting onto see-saws and tricycles and trying to make them go, and she practices climbing in and out and in and out and in and out of the house via the French doors when they are open for the boys to play in the garden. I love her soooooooooo!

Back soon, hopefully! Thanks so much for all the messages and love since I last updated! xxxx

6 (nearly 7!) weeks old

Another fly-by post, hoping I can type at least something before Elijah wakes and I have to go, and won't have chance again today (or even tomorrow, who knows?!).

Elijah will be 7 weeks old the day after tomorrow. It's going fast, but it's kind of hard-going, and I have to take each day at a time. I am (honestly) doing so cheerfully, and it is working out okay, but I am getting tired now, and starting to feel a bit wistful for things to settle down and to be able to get the focus back on my other children and the house (and homeschooling!) that I had before he was born. I understand why I can't, and I'm doing the best I can, and I'm okay with it all. I am not stressing out about it. Just making note here that I'm lately feeling a bit drained and looking forward to more settled days ahead, whenever that happens (I'm not sure when to expect change yet. Perhaps not for a while?).

Elijah has been on his medication for reflux for 2 weeks tomorrow, and it has also been almost two weeks since I cut out dairy. I didn't go crazy reading labels for ingredients that come from milk at first, but decided to after reading other people's stories of how their babies responded to even tiny amounts in foods, etc. So I think I can say I have been completely dairy-free for maybe 10 days? I am not sure. Maybe a few days less. Anyway. I miss milk and cheese, and it's proving really hard to find a variety of foods that I can eat which are nutritious enough AND accessible enough, AND quick enough to cook, AND easy enough to cook, for me to be able to actually consider them. Not proving easy at all. But oh well! It's worth it if it helps my little one.

He is starting to be more calm these last few days. He is having longer periods of calm alertness, and since maybe the day before yesterday he has surprised me by sitting in the bouncy chair for maybe 5 or 10 minutes in a row without crying! That is AMAZING for Elijah, believe me. He otherwise cries all the time. ALL of it. Or sleeps, or feeds. Otherwise he is crying. Lately not quite so much! :) He is cooing and smiling at us a lot, and even at the boys a bit today and yesterday. He had his third osteopath appointment this morning and smiled and cooed and generally flirted with the osteopath, which was sweet - and a big eye-opener for her to see how much he has changed since the first appt (screaming and rigid and distressed for 2 hours).

Aaaargh my laptop battery is about to die and I left the power cable next to the bed where Elijah is sleeping! It's late so maybe it's not a good idea to try getting it in case I wake him and then start a whole cry cycle again before I get chance to go to bed.... I think I will post this now, unfinished as it is, and update again tomorrow with the rest, if I get chance! Back soon! :)

Well, I did post it, but it's now 20 mins before Elijah's midnight meds are due and I'm all ready for bed, sitting in a dark bedroom next to a sleeping baby, having drawn up his syringe-ful of yucky bitter stuff by the light of the laptop monitor (now plugged in!). He's still sleeping, so I think I will carry on updating the original post unless he stirs, or midnight arrives! ;)

Elijah had his 6-8 week check with the doctor on Wednesday. I was supposed to have my postnatal check the same day, but I wrote down 2.20pm (his appt was sent to me in the post for 2pm) for some reason, and when I turned up for both our appointments, they said it was 9.20am and I'd missed it! :S Whoops! Not sure what part of my brain wasn't there at the time of making the appointment, but oh well. The doctor was very nice about it (same one who had me in tears over being 5 mins late with Benjamin's 6-8 week check - perhaps she'd learned her lesson, not to make this particular mother upset postnatally, lol!) and I rebooked for next Friday at 10.30 with a different doctor (since that's all they could offer me), but I think I will end up cancelling that one because Elijah's next osteopath appt is sure to clash with it. I don't know when that is yet because the osteopath he sees was fully booked for Friday, but he NEEDS to be seen weekly, so he is on a waiting list for cancellations. If there isn't one, she said she would double book him with someone else just to be sure he gets a treatment :) The beautiful thing about this place is that it's FREE. They are a registered charity (The Osteopathic Centre for Children, in London) and encourage donations by families being treated there, so I donate sometimes after an appointment. We can't afford osteopathic treatment in any other setting, so I'm ever so thankful for the OCC! :) Anyway, who knows when I'll get my 6 week postnatal check! Probably sometime, eventually! I have no concerns about me anyway.

I have pelvic pain and back pain still, to varying degrees, depending on my activity level. I saw my physiotherapist at the hospital on Thursday last week, and was given a ton of very very very simple and careful exercises to do, which I am getting precisely NO time to do so far. I have to go back at the beginning of August, because there are some of the very very very simple and careful exercises that I am still unable to do without pain, so I have to wait on those and go back to see how I'm doing. I am so frustrated because for once I desperately feel the need to be getting fit and exercising properly, but the physio told me absolutely NO exercising whatsoever. Only gentle walks (an impossible activity with any of my children in tow, let alone all of them!) or the exercises prescribed. I have been doing a bit more walking lately, just getting from the car (parked a few mins away) to an appointment or something, which sounds laughably puny but is actually quite a bit of exercise for me, embarrassingly! :/ On Monday it was Benjamin's 3rd birthday (!!!) and we all went out to find a good place to run about (the boys, not me!) and jump in huge puddles, as that's what Benjamin wanted to do in the end on that rainy birthday! So I walked quite a bit further than my body said I ought to, and with Elijah on my front in the hug-a-bub. It was okay walking with him in there - he slept pretty quickly and stayed asleep until I put him in the car seat to go home - but my back did ache after 10 minutes or so. Oh well. Anyway, I hurt like crazy the next day in my feet and ankles and hips! Soooo unfit. *sigh* I so want to get stuck into toning up and increasing my stamina, and aerobic exercise for my heart and lungs, but I'm not allowed to yet. It's going to be a slow gradual process to just get my core muscles and ligaments accepting of basic exercises, which is really frustrating, but a worthwhile process I'm sure. I want to be in much better shape before my next pregnancy (which I hope will happen!) :)

Elijah's appointment with the doctor went quite well. He weighs 9lbs 5oz, which puts him at the 10th percentile for weight (9th on the charts they go by, 10th in the breastfed baby charts), which is the curve he's been on since birth. He did go up nearly to the 25th percentile last time he was weighed by the health visitor, so the doctor sees this weigh-in to show a "dip" in weight gain. *sigh* He is a tall boy! He was never measured at birth but I always felt he was longer than average because despite being really skinny and his clothes being baggy on him, he was always outgrowing the length of the footed sleepsuits, and the sleepsuits without feet were like shorts, halfway up his legs, hehe! Anyway he is 59cm long (23 inches) which puts him between the 75th and 91st percentiles (80th percentile on the breastfed baby charts). The doctor got kind of concerned about the difference between his height and weight percentiles, and suggested I topped him up with formula. I didn't expect that. She said she didn't really believe he has reflux and that he cries a lot and feeds a lot (2-3 hourly or more frequently, but very randomly around the clock because I feed him on demand) because he's a "hungry baby". And that's he a hungry baby because he needs "more" than my milk is giving him. *another sigh* That was a bit of a low moment, to be honest. A mummy doesn't feel good to hear things like that, even if it's cheerfully suggested and meant to be helpful or lighthearted, which it was, and I love my GP. But I do not want to supplement with formula, and don't believe it's the best or right thing for him. I am sure there is no reason why my milk can't be enough for him. I have a huge supply, as always. I am breastfeeding Benjamin maybe twice a day, Samuel whenver he wants it during the day (4+ times maybe?), and Elijah day and night pretty frequently, and still leaking loads between anyone's feeds when my milk randomly lets down. Everyone gets what they want when they feed and stop when they are full, and I can hand express more right afterwards. So it's not a supply thing. I don't think there is really anything wrong with his feeding pattern, nor that he's a "hungry baby". On the day of the appointment I really felt kind of knocked, confidence-wise, by the whole thing, and was second-guessing my gut instinct (which is to breastfeed, not supplement, and not introduce solids early (ie. before 6 months)). But I've had some good encouragement and support from friends online and people in the know, and feel much more confident that my gut instinct is right now.

I am perfectly happy to feed him all the time! I know he doesn't need to be feeding TOO frequently because that can aggravate reflux (in fact the whole feeding frequently thing IS a symptom of reflux, tsk!), so I need to talk to Heather about it as she's a breastfeeding counsellor. She is away on holiday until Sunday so I'll have to wait until then. Anyway, he is feeding well, and growing, so I am not worried. The GP prescribed him formula for babies who are allergic to cows milk protein, and more of his reflux meds, but I only collected the reflux meds.

Anyway, he is otherwise doing fine. His neck muscles are stronger than she expected, and he holds his head up well and can turn his head from side to side when lying on his tummy. He is starting to track objects with his eyes, and does lots of "conversing" now which is ever so sweet! I love hearing his voice! :)

I am still spotting from the birth. It's not that unusual for me to still have a trace of lochia at 6 weeks postpartum, but it should be disappearing soon, and I'll be glad! I don't much like that stage! I am suspicious that some sort of hormonal change is going on for me right now. On Wednesday (the day before yesterday), I felt tired and sensitive, and kind of moody. I thought nothing of it, since I'm at full stretch emotionally and physically all the time at the moment, and sleep deprived to boot! ;) I also noticed IBS that day, which I haven't had since I was pregnant. Again, thought nothing much of it. Then the next day, yesterday, I noticed I felt kind of hormonal and weepy and tired, in the same way as the day before. I think I only really took note of it because it was the second day running and I hadn't noticed any feelings like that since the initial few days after the birth with the hormones settling down. Neil and I argued that evening over something sooooo daft, and I put it down to tiredness for us both, but the next morning I thought about it and realised that I was being much more oversensitive and quick to lose my temper than is normal for me, even when just tired. Then yesterday, I went to the loo and what do you know?! EWCM! And not a small amount either. That's the first CM I've had since pregnancy. I generally do not have any after having a baby until my cycles are starting to gear up for coming back, or at least try to (even if they don't succeed at first, lol!). I had felt a bit crampy for the previous few days and it distracted me enough to make me wonder what it was about. When I started getting IBS on Wednesday I thought maybe that's all it had been, but I wasn't convinced because it didn't really feel like it. I haven't ruled out a urine infection but I have no other symptoms of one. Anyway, I'm now on day 2 of EWCM, and have been quite uncomfy on my left side today low down at the front, so I wonder if my body is trying to ovulate. I know that is CRAZY! I am breastfeeding 3 "babies" and just gave birth 6 weeks ago, lol! But my periods seem to be starting again earlier and earlier each time for me now, and the last time I had a period at 8 weeks postpartum, with ovulation too! So it's possible. I kind of hope not, for now! It's perfectly normal to have EWCM in random patches for months without ovulating or having a period, when you're breastfeeding, apparently. But it hasn't been MY norm, so far. We shall see.

Well, I think that is about all I wanted to catch up on for now. I'm sure I have more to waffle about, like how I genuinely felt really wistful and longing when I was driving Elijah to his appointment this morning and playing a worship CD that I listened to every time I drove to an antenatal appointment, and haven't heard since. Ohhhh how I missed being pregnant at that moment! I mean, I generally miss being pregnant and look forward to doing it again, but with the memory trigger of the music, I actually felt such a physical pang! I am going to be just hopeless when my baby-making days are over. I am already praying over it, because I know it will be an adjustment and I want to make it sanely and smoothly! ;) I trust God. He's in control and He knows what is best for me, so if I can rest in that, I should be okay, but I suuuuure will miss it!

It's just past midnight now and Elijah is STILL sleeping (since maybe 8.45pm!) so I need to wake him up for his medication now. I much prefer giving him his dose this way, because he doesn't really wake up. I pick him up and cradle him in my left arm, semi-upright, and then tease his lips with the syringe until he stirs and opens his mouth. His dose is only 0.33mls of nasty bitter liquid (yes, I did taste it), but I still only give him about a quarter of that dose at a time, rubbing his tiny cheeks to rouse him enough to make him swallow each little bit. I don't want him to choke! He takes the whole dose safely that way, and doesn't actually wake up or know he's even taking the yucky stuff, which is much nicer for him. He is such a trooper taking it when he's wide awake and hungry though. He grimaces a little, but calmly takes it all the same, and never tries to avoid it or turn his face away. He doesn't cry about it. He's such a good boy, and I love him so much! Anyway it's nice at night because he takes the dose without knowing, and then I lay him back down once I'm sure he's squidged his mouth about and swallowed a few times, and he generally stays asleep for a while longer before waking as usual for a feed. He feeds maybe every 3-4 hours at night, but one night after his 2nd osteo appointment a week ago, he slept from about midnight (having cried all evening which he usually does - this evening is unusual in that he has slept for most of it!) until 6am!!!! Now, there's no sense getting too excited about him "sleeping through the night" because looking back I see that many of my babies have done just that for One Night Only at the very same age. Then never again until like 18 months old, haha! Anyway it was nice! :)

Okay, off to medicate my darling boy. I will be back soon! I should be making this the last blog entry here for a while, because I like to close up shop here once the official postnatal/newborn period is over, until next time. And I usually go with the postnatal appointments for that marker, and we've done that. But Elijah is having prolonged newborn-ish issues still, and I haven't had my postnatal check yet, and anyway I am having ongoing treatment for pregnancy-related stuff with the physio, sooooo.... maybe I will keep it open a while longer. I also like to come back to keep track of my cycles once they start up again, and if that's going to happen soon anyway... I will not say goodbye for now. I'll come back and update again sometime soon, to keep a record of how Elijah is doing with his treatment. I think I will want that to look back on for future reference maybe. If you're still keeping up, well done, lol! I haven't got many commenters or readers on any of the posts I make here or at my main blog now, but I am much more settled now than I've ever been before with the idea of just blogging for my own memories and future reference stuff, so I am not put off. I like readers and commentors though, of course! ;) I will be back soon!

Elijah's newborn photos!

Paul came round with Elijah's newborn photos this evening, yay! I am so tired out and haven't got time to write anything but I wanted to post them here straight away, and I'll try to write an update soon. For more about the photo session, go to the previous entry which I posted last night. :)

These are my photos, but taken by Paul, and I think they are copyrighted to him, so please don't copy these photos without my permission (Nicola, permission granted! ;) ). Thanks!

Here's my sweet little manny! I love him sooooo!

Photo session (8 days old) and poo!

Whoops. Somehow a week has passed since I last updated! :S That's a LONG time in Newborn Land! Elijah is sleeping next to me but he is likely to wake at any moment for a feed, so I may only have seconds to try and cram a whole week of news in before he wakes!

Elijah had his photos taken at 8 days old, on Monday this past week. It went really well! Our friend Paul from church is a keen photographer - he doesn't earn a living from it but he does "professional" shoots. He has never done newborn photography before and wanted to bless us with some photos, and have some fun - he led me to believe he needed to build up a portfolio, but it turns out he pretty much just thought it would be a fun new experience and that we would like to have special photos of our tiny manny! How lovely! :)

He picked Elijah and I up at 9ish in the morning and we knew it would take all morning to do, going at Elijah's pace and seeing how we got on. Elijah HATED his first experience in a car seat, poor baby! He screamed frantically until we got to a road with speed bumps and then he suddenly fell fast asleep practically mid-scream! ;) He stayed asleep for the first half hour we were there, and woke as I was taking his clothes off ready for the first photo. So I fed him and he went to sleep, and since he was already a nakey baby, we put him straight into position for a photo right from the breast. The very first thing he did when positioned on the towels was a wee, hehe! Thankfully he was on his tummy so it wasn't a big deal. He did great. Pretty much every time we tried a new pose or brought a prop into the shot, he started squirming and fussing until he was awake and displeased! ;) So I did a lot of breastfeeding over the morning and consequently Elijah did a lot weeing on whatever he was laid on, lol! I was so nervous after a couple of hours that he would poo, because he pretty much doesn't go longer than a few hours between poos - well, he's going a bit longer than that at the moment but at the beginning of the week he was pooing about every 2-3 hours, if not more frequently. Oh how funny, as I typed that he squirmed in his sleep and emitted a squirty sound from his bottom, hehehe! Guess I'll be changing that in a mo! ;)

Anyway, thankfully (amazingly!) he didn't poo at all while we were there, but the momemt I got him out of his car seat when we arrived home, he did a mega blow-out (out of the sides and back of the nappy - his first!). I was so glad he didn't do that during the photo shoot!

Some of the poses were soooo sweet to put him into, because awwww he's so buttery soft and foldable, and being fast asleep at the same time was just adorable to watch. Paul's 16-year-old daughter was helping us, and she would keep saying, "Awwwww!!!" when Elijah was put into a new pose! Ohhh, more squirty sounds from the sleeping boy... :S Hope it won't be a blow-out. Those are no fun to change!

I think we got various photos taken of only 4 or 5 different poses, but it took until about 1.30pm! I was soooo tired suddenly when I sat down to feed him at that point, I felt a bit unwell with it really, all of a sudden. There were more ideas that Paul had for photos, but they had a Jubilee gathering to attend in the afternoon in any case, and we were happy with what we'd got already. Paul has to edit the photos but he works full time. He thought maybe he might be able to get a disc of photos to me this weekend but I know this weekend has a ton of social events that he's running/part of at church, so I am not sure if he'll actually have time.

MORE squirty sounds! Yikes. He's still sleeping but he'll wake when he's finished, I should think. Then I won't have chance to type any more tonight, for sure, so perhaps I'll post this? Mind you I haven't written much yet, so maybe I'll save it and finish it tomorrow or something? Hmmm...

There's a photo that I really hope comes out okay - Paul happened to have a basket with a Union Jack flag pattern all over it, and he wondered about using it to put Elijah in, since it was the Queen's Jubilee weekend (I'm one who LOVES all things royal and the Jubilee, by the way!), and I loved the idea!! So we got a photo of him in there. I hope it comes out well! Can't wait to see what he's captured, and post them online!

Yet more squirty sounds. This is shaping up to be a blow-out nappy for sure.

So Paul drove us home, and Elijah didn't fall asleep this time, he was just mightily cross with the journey and the indignity of being squished into a car seat! ;) When I lifted his car seat out of Paul's car and he drove off, one of the neighbours was coming out to her car. She looked kind of shocked, and said, "Another one?! How many's that now?!" I don't think she knew I was even pregnant so I can understand her reaction! ;) I said, "Six..." and she said, "Aw my gawd!" and came over to look at him in his car seat (crying angrily!). She asked if we were just trying to get a girl, and I said no, just a baby, and that I loved having babies (this is now my default answer, as I'm getting used to saying it a lot now!).

Okay, he's awake, so I'll have to finish this another time!

Well, the poo stayed contained, but he made up for it by weeing in his own face while I changed his nappy, lol! Poor baby!

After we got home, I was so tired and hungry, and it was after 2pm! I grabbed a few things to eat from the kitchen and took them upstairs with Elijah. I ate while I breastfed my Very Fed-Up Baby (he did not enjoy the travelling aspect!) and then he was exhausted, so we went to bed. I think I was asleep with him by 2.30pm, and the boys and Neil were out at Box Hill all day with Uncle Ian, so it was a quiet house. I kept waking up to feed Elijah when he stirred, and sometimes checked the time, but I still felt soooo tired! I ended up waking up properly when the phone rang next to me, and it was Neil saying he knew it was a bit late, but they were about to set off for home, so it would be near 8pm when they got back. I thought, "What?!?!" and was amazed to see that it was after 7pm already when I looked at the clock! I guess the morning had been more than I was quite ready for, and it really tired me out. I had some pain in my left breast that day too, and the day before, and I ended up with a fever and much worse pain when I woke the next morning, so maybe that's partly why I'd needed to sleep like that when we got home?

Anyway I will have to write about the "almost mastitis" episode another time, because it's late, Elijah is fussing and I need to go to bed! I'll post this for now and try again tomorrow - Elijah is two weeks old tomorrow!!! I cannot believe how fast it's going!

He's here!

Elijah Douglas has arrived! :)

Little pickle continued his pattern of unpredictability, and contractions started regularly and painfully literally minutes before we left for the hospital! We waited an hour to see if they'd pick up, so that when we went into hospital we would not need the IV induction (always better natural, as the midwives have kept telling me). After an hour things were definitely hotting up, and I decided to stay and have my baby at home, since I usually labour fairly quickly now.

I was in established labour probably from 11.30am, which the midwives took from Heather's observations - she felt that the contractions became more serious "active labour" from that point (first contraction was 9.30am ish while breastfeeding Samuel to sleep for his nap, right before "going"). At first the contractions were just low soreness and very short (30 seconds maybe) but I was having about 2 or 3 of them in each 10 minute period, so they were pretty regular. I didn't have to breathe through them and I was a bit worried it would all go away! But they got stronger quickly, though not much longer. The crampy pain stayed between contractions within the first hour and it was hard to move or walk about without loads of pain, so I tried to stay still. Heather did have me sit on the birth ball for a while to really do everything I could to get things established. When it looked like things WERE, we called Jackie, and she CAME OVER!!! :) The head of community midwives! She was my main midwife and delivered Elijah, and was WONDERFUL. I couldn't have had a more experienced, knowledgeable, fantastic midwife, and I'm so thrilled and grateful. The second midwive, Karen, was someone I hadn't met before but she was lovely too.

Elijah was born after about 3 hours of established labour, at 2.20pm. Oh my WORD transition and pushing him out was hooooorrrrrrible, hehe! I always say that, because it always is! But so worth it! I had a better time of it this time, mentally, because I felt really familiar with my pattern of labour and could really see the same pattern progressing, which helped me feel more grounded when the pain became unbearable. I used no pain relief, just breathing, and holding Heather's hand.

I really did PUSH him out! I don't often do that with my babies, hehe! I had an urge to push and went with it, and if I got the feeling that I was going to lose it mid-push and start making a ton of noise, I stopped pushing and blew blew blew through the rest of the contraction for all I was worth. I gave birth lying on my right side facing the edge of the bed (facing Heather), and that's where I mostly laboured too. When I could feel his head moving down a bit during transitional contractions, I told them so, and Jackie looked but couldn't see anything. She asked if I could lift my top leg but I said I couldn't, and so Heather lifted it just as a contraction was starting, I had no choice but to push with the feeling, and his head was born very quickly from nowhere! I did make some noise when the head was crowning but not the loud wailing I've made in the past - more just a lower "aaaaaarrrrghhhh", lol! And I rolled my face forwards into the pillow to a) cope with the sensation, and b) stifle the noise for the boys downstairs. I had a clear ring of fire sensation this time, and his head really POPPED out right afterwards. I knew what that meant and I was so relieved! The contraction was already finishing, but the sensation of his body in there was so uncomfortable, so I kept blowing through that feeling until the next contraction came, which was pretty fast. I knew that would be probably the most uncomfortable part (shoulders rotating and birthing always are for me, and that is also when I tear each time), so when the contraction came I pushed but blew once I reached the point of wanting to shout about it, and just tried to let him come at his own speed (which was very fast but felt like a long and dreadful sensation all the same!). In my mind I was frantically saying to myself, "He's here, he's here, this part means he's here, let him come, let him come!" to try and ride out the moment until it was over. I knew it wouldn't take long, but I just needed something to cope with the awfulness of it!

And then it WAS over! :) Oh the relief and the absolute joy, looking down and reaching for him as they passed this TEENY little person up between my legs and onto my tummy. He was fairly quiet at first but soon became very agitated and cried quite a lot for a long time, even with snuggles and lots of love on my tummy/chest! He pinked up almost immediately.

Elijah had a true knot in his cord!!! How incredibly scary, if I had known that while still pregnant, and how thankful I am to God for sparing his life. Jackie said she rarely sees a true knot, and she's surprised his heartrate was so good all the way through labour right to the very point of birth! I asked if it could account for his slower growth, but she didn't think so particularly. He's very healthy and his cord was pulsating well still. At the scans, they had done dopplers on his umbilical cord several times to check the resistance of the flow, and it was normal and fine. I took a photo of the cord and placenta, which I could post but it's pretty gory! ;) I will if you want me to though! :)

His placenta took AGES to come out! Aaaages. I had a natural third stage as I had wanted, though they were ready to the syntometrine injection because it really wasn't coming out. I kept having contractions and it still didn't appear, and Elijah had a nice long feed but still nothing! Eventually they had me get out of bed and sit on a potty on the chair to see if gravity helped, but it didn't, and I became very tired being upright and didn't feel nice after a while, so they put me back to bed.

Eventually I wondered about the whole pregnancy/pre-labour thing being SO very contrary! No matter what decision I made, at that point something would change and I would have to do the opposite thing, and then when I thought that was going ahead, something would change again, hehe! So I said this to the midwives, and then said, "I'm saying out loud (looking sternly at my baggy tummy and directing my words in its general direction!), "I'm going to have the syntometrine injection now"!!" and then I literally immediately had a contraction and pushed, and out came my placenta in one go, all intact, lol! It was so funny because of how no matter what I've said over the past 4 days, the opposite has then occurred, and it happened just the same for the placenta in such a funny way! ;) I think it was over an hour or 90 minutes waiting for it, up to that point! They let me go longer than they usually would, just to try and keep it all as natural as possible.

They couldn't 100% confirm that all the membranes were out, because there were some ragged parts, but they told me that my body will work any little bits out, and I need to call them if I have large clots or heavy bleeding, so they can check me out.

I felt kind of feverish the last hour or two of my labour, and I took my temperature (as I had been doing 4-hourly) a couple of hours before the end, but it was normal. I figured I just felt hot because it was a REALLY hot day in a south-facing bedroom, and I was labouring. When Elijah was born and they took his temperature, it was up a little, and my heart sank. It was 37.6, so they uncovered him (he was skin-to-skin at the time, but covered with a towel for warmth) and his temp came down to normal really quick. All his other obs were fine. I wanted to take my own temperature because I did feel a bit too hot, not-right hot, you know? Eventually after the placenta palava, they did my obs and my temperature was almost the same as Elijah's had been - 37.5. I was worried it was a sign of infection, after how long my waters were broken, but they said to take some paracetamol and they would take it again before they left. It came down to almost normal, and has been back up to 37.2 (barely a raised temp at all) once the paracetamol wore off, but I've taken some more now. They said they aren't concerned about my temp, and that once the day's heat cools off and I get some rest, if it's spiking up then I need to call them and they will check me and provide me with antibiotics in case of infection, if that's the case. Otherwise they'd expect it to stay low or non-existant. An infection would make it spike higher, or produce other symptoms along with a fever eventually, so I am just keeping an eye on myself really.

I have felt remarkably well since giving birth! Probably the most well I've ever felt after birth, which is lovely! I didn't feel weak and wobbly at all after the first hour or two, and usually that doesn't happen for the first 24 hours or so. I have been able to get up and go to the loo without shuffling along feeling weak and dreadful, verrrry slowly! ;) Also, I did not need any stitches this time!!!!! :D My very first time ever not having stitches! Jackie found that I did have a tear, but it was so small. She said that she could put a couple of stitches in for me, but it wasn't bleeding at all so she felt it would be fine to just leave it to heal, if I wanted. And I DID want! ;) Stitches are no fun!

I am not feeling any soreness at all from my perineum, and weeing stings a little bit but it's perfectly bearable. My blood loss is normal at the moment and I am not having a horrible time at all with after pains - maybe the paracetamol is helping there though?

Elijah is breastfeeding well, and sleeping sooooo cutely in between. He did a huuuuuge meconium poo all over my tummy within minutes of birth, and the little waters that were left to go pop as his head was born had some meconium in them, but not much. He has done a huge meconium poo in his first nappy so far, but I am not sure if he's weed yet. I am doing his observations 2-hourly around the clock - temperature, respirations, heart rate, etc. I use my stethoscope for his heart rate. Everything is normal so far, except that last time I took his temp it was a bit too low, so I've put him in a sleepsuit instead of a vest (it's so hot, and he's on my body most of the time so I'd thought a vest was enough). Hopefully his temp has come up now. It's time to do his next set of obs so I must go.

Here are a few photos of the big boys meeting their new baby brother for the first time, about 2 hours after he was born, and then one of him finally dressed in something at about 4 hours old. He's so delightfully gorgeous and tiny (oh I almost forgot! He weighed in at 6lbs 8oz, sweet little manny!) and I think he looks most like newborn Nathan, but he's very much his own little person with his own look. ALL the boys are ecstatic about him, and Samuel is very relaxed and smiley around him too.

Thank you for praying and commenting! I really appreciate it! :)