The rest of yesterday after I last posted, I was so so SO crampy. I mean, all the time. It occasionally came and went, but basically I had pretty bad low back ache, and period-strong cramps all day, and all evening. They were particularly bad during the children's bedtime, and I felt sure I was bleeding again, so I silently fretted a bit while settling the kids into bed and nursing Lydia and Elijah for their bedtimes. I finally got to check around 9pm and there was nothing at all on my pad, but when I wiped there was some dark red. It definitely didn't look like a normal period - actually it looked a bit like EWCM except for the colour. I had held my urine all day since testing around lunch time, so I wanted to take another test to see if it was darker. I only had my Clearblue Digital, my last First Response (same as yesterday's - I wish I had bought more of those now!), and my last useless cheapy internet stick. I knew I would want to have a good test to pee on in the morning, and I couldn't bring myself to use the Clearblue Digital yet, so I used the last cheapy test stick. I noticed that the one I took in the morning that was negative, had a slightly visible shadowy line on it (I would still call it negative), which, when compared with the previous day's cheapy test, was *slightly* more visible. So I thought maybe... and I wanted to see if there was any sort of line apparent by the evening.
I haven't got a photo of it (because I haven't got around to taking one!), but there IS a line on the cheapy stick that I did last night. I would definitely call it positive, but it's much fainter than the First Response positive I got yesterday. When I line it up with the morning's one, and the day before's too, then I can really see that the line gets stronger on each test, which is good.
I was really exhausted last night, and also bothered by a new symptom - NAUSEA, ugh! I think it's hand-in-hand with gassiness which has returned, but also I was just so wired and excited and shaky and so on, about the day's big news! Maybe that had an effect? I did not feel like eating dinner, but ate chicken, potatoes and veg anyway which went down fine. Also really thirsty still. I also discovered that I felt weepy when I was looking at cute video clips of animals that my friends seem to insist on posting at Facebook, lol! ;) Weepiness at things like that is a reeeeal clue for me, every time! :)
Yesterday I was sure that my skin was "weirdly soft", and I charted it as such, but Neil isn't so sure. He said, "Mmmmmaayyyyybe...." He's my ultimate tester, and I usually wait for his approval (!!) but I charted it anyway, because it really did feel super soft to me. I charted frequent urination for the first time, because I had the urge to go more than I'm used to. Heartburn again, but only just last thing at night. Also another new symptom last thing at night yesterday, was tender breasts for the first time. I went to bed feeling that I was definitely pregnant, at least for now, and wondering what my temp would do in the morning.
SO! This morning my temp was 36.86 again - back up to the exact temp that was my highest yet this cycle! :) Encouraging! Not encouraging was the fact that even as I woke up, I was already VERY crampy, like a period. I had a feeling that I would still be bleeding, and it made me feel anxious right on getting up for the day. :/ I went to the loo and sure enough, fresh red bleeding. Just when I wiped, but it was enough to unnerve me. I peed in a cup to dip a test, and my urine was turned pinkish by the bleeding I was having, which gave me a sinking feeling as well. I do NOT like bleeding when I'm pregnant, at any stage!! :(
So I used my last First Response test, and could see the line come up within the first 30-60 seconds, and then just watched it as it got stronger over the 3 minutes. Nice and clear, and I was sure it was stronger than yesterday's, so I was encouraged. I let it dry out a bit before I took a photo of it with yesterday's so that the comparison was more accurate (the top test is yesterday's and the bottom one is today's):
Now since then, I have basically had an entire 12 hours of major cramps and ebb-and-flow style bleeding. :/ It still seems implantation-ish to me, but it's really throwing my confidence! The cramping is out of this world - like a fairly bad period, and just constant all day long. I have had pretty bad low backache with it almost the entire time. I have had a couple of 20-30 minute blocks in the day where it eased up to only very mild crampiness, but that's it. Otherwise I have been really sore. It has a dragging, heavy, queasy feel to it, and it's hard to move about and focus on anything else without feeling a bit rubbish with it. I know I've had cramping (and even cramping and bleeding) in previous pregnancies at implantation, but I can't remember how BAD the cramps were. In my blog it just says bad cramps, or that it's been "period-like" so I guess that should reassure me. I have had a headache on and off today as well, and I took painkillers for that in the morning, which did absolutely nothing for either my headache or my cramps! :P
As far as the bleeding goes, it was like a light period all morning, then just spotting (still reddish) through the afternoon, and then for a couple of hours there was nothing at all. Then before putting the kids to bed, I was feeling really crampy and wanted to check, and found dark red EWCM when I wiped, and spotting on my pad. :/ More very dark red bleeding after putting them to bed, but only really looking like a worrying amount when I wipe - it's not making much more than spotting on a pad. I think with the colour and with the on-and-off bleeding, it's not behaving like a period at all, so that in itself gives me hope that it's completely to do with implantation and not so much to do with my womb deciding to clear out.
I most definitely feel pregnant! Neil was giving me a cuddle today and said, "Oh wow, definitely that soft skin thing today!" :) Finally, a thumbs-up from the man who knows these things! ;) He said, "You are now officially pregnant!" haha! I am definitely weeing more frequently today, and super irritable.
Oh - Arthur knows! As of yesterday afternoon. I was putting the photo of my positive test on here and I had it enlarged on the screen to edit it before posting it. The children were in the garden playing and I was sitting under the window inside. I was so focused on the photo, I suddenly looked up and saw Arthur standing at the window staring at the screen over my shoulder with eyes like saucers and a wide open mouth, lol! I jumped with surprise, clutched the laptop to my chest, and said, "What are you doing?!" Not that he could hear me properly, as the window was closed! He mouthed, "PREGNANT?!?!!" and came running inside! Whoops! He's ecstatically thrilled, he was leaping about the living room doing lots of silent squealing, bless him! I told him because he already knew from what he'd seen - I can't believe I was silly enough not to think they might see through the window!! D'oh! I told him I only found out that very day, and he said, "Show me the test!!" so I took him up to the bathroom and showed him. He basically walked around with a huge smile on his face for the rest of the day. :) At bedtime, when he was the only one left awake, I talked to him about the fact that it's very early, and I am waiting for stronger test results, and also I am bleeding (he knows about that from previous pregnancies) and would like to wait for that to settle down before telling the other children. I hope he can keep the secret! So far he is doing great. He is awake long after the others lying in bed thinking of all the Bible names he can think of, and wondering if we'll have a girl or a boy. Love him! :) I did talk to him about there being no guarantee that this baby will stay with us, and then we prayed about the baby. I wish I could have announced it to him along with the others later down the line, but oh well. He is so much more mature than he used to be, I like seeing that in him - and he LOVES having new babies in our family, which is so lovely! :)
Well I have just been to the loo because of feeling "leaky", and have quite a lot of dark red bleeding, with teeny tiny clots here and there. :/ I really hate this part! I read in my blog that I had bad cramps with Samuel from 10-12DPO (exactly the same as this time) but that it cleared up completely at 13DPO. Also I had bad cramps with Nathan from 7-9DPO, so it seems to be typically 3 days of bad cramps around implantation. With Nathan I had some pink spotting and then a bit of red when I wiped, in that time. Nothing much else. With Samuel only the faintest brown spotting in that time-frame. With Elijah, obviously, I cramped and bled heavily like a period from 7DPO onwards (over a week), but I didn't even think I was pregnant so I didn't take detailed note of it all, and of course I wasn't worried.
Tomorrow I am going to see what my temp is in the morning. I am really hoping it will stay up just for reassurance, as I know that if it drops, it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad at this stage (it could bounce back up the next day - it has happened to me in previous pregnancies (Benjamin's was one with a big drop after testing positive)). But unless I can test again with the same brand (another First Response or even a cheapy internet stick since I have a baseline on those for comparison), I won't be able to compare it properly to see if the line is getting darker or lighter. I know it can vary. But with alllll this bleeding and cramping, I really need to see some reassuring evidence - I already know for sure that I am pregnant. I just want to STAY pregnant, and I hope I will...
I only have my Clearblue Digital left. I know it will say "pregnant" and probably "pregnant 1-2" to show the number of weeks after conception I am, but that test is special to me. I no longer need it to confirm what I already know. I would love to use it to put a seal on a pregnancy that seems like it is going to stick, and I am anxious about this one now. I don't have a "feeling" about it going wrong, and I don't feel any less pregnant than I did, but I have all these symptoms of a womb trying to empty itself (slightly unsettling, you know?!).
We're almost out of milk and bread, so Neil is going to pop out to the supermarket first thing in the morning - well, first thing-ISH (probably 10am or later when it comes to it!), and I have asked him to find me some First Response pregnancy tests. I am going to have to hold my wee (and my anxiety) and wait for him to return with the tests, before I can relax and see what's going on. I will try to update sooner than late evening, if I get chance. The days are so busy!
To answer a question from Joanne about checking my cervix - I used to check it for years, for the first few babies! I also used to check for dilation at the end of my pregnancies. But I guess various factors led to me stopping - firstly it was a bit of a faff and I didn't feel the need - my temps gave me good indication and I just didn't need the cervical data to go with it. Also I had implantation spotting in my 2WW once (with Nathan?) and was checking my cervix until then, and suddenly did not want to do it any more once I was bleeding a bit. The other thing is, in my 3rd pregnancy I discovered I was Group B Strep positive, and stopped checking my cervix in late pregnancy so as not to risk introducing "trouble" because of that! I guess I just stopped checking in general, and never really went back to it. I have checked my cervix on the odd occasion in the past year when wondering if the EWCM I was randomly having actually meant anything, lol! It was when I went many months without ovulating. I don't think there's anything wrong with checking your cervix at all. :)
Okay, I must go to bed - so tired and headachy (and crampy!). I hope I will have good news tomorrow. I feel sort of tentative titling my blog entry "3 weeks 5 days!" like I always do right after the first positive test.... but I am going to anyway, because regardless of what will happen next, right now I am 100% pregnant, at 3 weeks and 5 days exactly. I want to cherish every single day, in case I don't have many with my precious little peanut.