I am beyond confused! This is so so so very much like Lydia's pregnancy, as it turns out. BUT I still seem to not be pregnant, and seem to be having my period. That's part of the confusion. But the most likely scenario - maybe?!
So the last time I updated I was 9DPO, with a temp drop that wasn't a LOT, but still a drop. And then bleeding, proper heavy bleeding, shortly after getting up for the day (right after temping). And a positive test! But a very faint one. I'm so glad you guys said you could see it too! :) The other thing that confused me about things that day, was that I still had many of my early pregnancy symptoms. I was crampy, but not at all until a short while after starting bleeding. Not big period cramps, but like irritated uterus cramps (milder), which are familiar to me from any of my bigger bleeds during past pregnancies. I'm not trying to deny the obvious and say maybe I'm pregnant, but I want to lay out alllll the various sides of everything so my confusion is all written down, and then maybe I can pick it apart?! Or just leave it be, and whatever happens, at least it's recorded for the next time I'm confused about a cycle and say, "Oh, but remember that time when...?!" and look it up, and find it helpful! ;)
So the next morning (yesterday), I was waiting to see what my temp was before calling it a new cycle. I knew I was bleeding, but my temp just hadn't dropped low enough for me to be sure yet (36.51 - WAY above my usual pre-ovulatory temps, which it should have dropped down in the range of BEFORE I started bleeding), and I was expecting it to drop right down below the coverline to confirm my period. But it didn't. It dropped from 36.51 to 36.47 - basically pretty much the same temp, just a fraction lower. Still not below the coverline, and still way up above my usual temps that I have before ovulating (or after getting my period). Confusing! I did temp a bit later than I usually would, because it was the weekend, and my lovely hubby lets me lie in after Lydia gets up. Usually I temp when she gets up to keep it accurate, but she woke early for her, and so I went back to sleep while Neil got up with her (bless his heart!) and then when *I* woke it was later than I would normally temp - now that would probably mean my temp wasn't accurate because it would have been a higher temp than it should have been, if I'd taken it at my normal time. THAT made me think, oh well, it might not have dropped much, but it WOULD have dropped more than that if I'd temped on time. I did take a test, but it was proper negative, so I just figured I would have to wait it out.
During the day, I didn't feel pregnant any more at all. I felt happy trusting God, and then later in the day I hit a patch where I felt so sad and tearful, and couldn't stop thinking that my little one had probably been perfectly healthy (unlike in a miscarriage where a baby dies and is then miscarried), but my body just couldn't do the job of helping him or her to grow. :( I KNEW that God is the one who opens and closes my womb, and that he is working all things together for my good, and I trust him completely. But my feelings had a little detour from the truth for a while there. I kind of didn't feel like updating here yesterday in the end. I totally felt sure about the fact that this early pregnancy had finished and I had my period.
THEN by the end of the day, yesterday, I felt confused about some things, which I felt really silly for even thinking about! The crampiness that wasn't like normal period pain (still no proper period cramps despite the heaviness of the bleeding) was odd for me. Also the bleeding itself. Heavier than my norm, and - I noted on my chart both days - "oddly" red. Like luminescent pink/red, very bright. I am sure that's not the normal colour of my menstrual flow, even on the heavy days or at the very start. On one occasion, sitting on the toilet pondering this (I do probably ponder too much, but that's just the way I am! ;) ), it suddenly reminded me of that time when I was almost 11 weeks pregnant with Nathan and I had a torrential bleed - a haemorrhage, really - and I was in A&E (ER). The bleeding was BRIGHT red and flowing like wee (sorry!) when I sat on the toilet. I was SURE as anything I had lost him, but I remember the doctor who examined me saying that bright red blood was actually a good sign, because with miscarriage they are looking for darker red bleeding. I don't even know why. But anyway, it came to mind as I was pondering. This is SO crazy of me! I am probably just having a period!!! At least I can say what I like here, and treat it like a private diary with a lock (except anyone in the whole world can read it and comment... hmmm!).
So, those things kept making me think, "This isn't my norm..." along with the temp not being as low as it should be, yet. I decided I wanted to keep my current chart going instead of it reverting to a new cycle page, because I wanted to see how my temps played out until they had gone down properly. If I enter "menses" on my chart, it automatically starts a new cycle page and closes the old one, so I would not be able to see my temps this luteal phase next to the ones I'm getting while I'm bleeding. So for that reason I have been charting "spotting" instead (it shows as an asterisk in the CM row), because the software allows me to chart spotting without starting a new chart. Annoying, but hey ho. I'll change it all when I know what's going on.
By bedtime, I had more confusing things to note: I was still hungrier than usual. I still seemed to have a sensitive nose for smells, and I still felt exhausted to the point of dizziness as I had in the days before. Also my skin still felt weirdly soft. And during the evening, I was having the occasional twinge/pain inside my right hip, and low pressure on/under my pubic bone on the left side, even radiating through to my lower back/buttock occasionally. Those things surely should have gone by the second day of my period? I thought maybe those things would settle down (my temps hadn't yet, after all). I really regretted finding NO notes when I stopped charting thinking I had my period with Elijah (at 7DPO, when my temp dropped WAY down, and I started bleeding heavily), only to find that I was pregnant 10 days later, without any notes to look back on for those days in between, so I'm keeping note of anything "noteworthy" until I'm sure as sure as sure.
So, this morning I lay in again, until maybe an hour after my usual temp time (like yesterday). I almost didn't want to look at the thermometer, because crazy as it seemed, I didn't want my hopes dashed! I felt DAFT for even having them in the first place though - hello?! Day 3 of bleeding?! *sigh* Anyway, what do you know? My temperature went up - UP!!! It was 36.67 - and even if it was because I woke up a bit late, there is NO WAY I can make my body have a temp that high unless I am in my luteal phase. That's it. So of course I ran to the toilet and peed on sticks like a crazy woman. I had one super sensitive test left, and then I was on to the standard early pregnancy tests that I have always used for all my other pregnancies (I've only used the super sensitive ones for the first time when testing for Lydia, and this time with the leftovers). So I tested with the last super sensitive one, and thought I saw a shadow of a line (I mean really just a SHADOW - could have been a faulty test or anything, but it wasn't evaporation because it was there within the time limit), so I tossed sanity to the wind and dipped the less sensitive 25mIU test (that I have always used with my other pregnancies) in the same urine. It looked negative, so I mentally berated myself for being nuts, and then went about my morning.
Except it was difficult to go about my morning, because although my bleeding was finally settling down a bit, I was STILL having times of crampiness, and some twinges and pains inside my right hip and around my pubic bone from time to time as well. And I couldn't get this morning's temp out of my mind - it seems SO strange, and I couldn't explain it. I went back to look at the tests frequently for no reason other than complete obsess0-woman behaviour (LET ME SPELL OBSESSO MY WAY, BLOGGER!!! Oooh look, it did when I used capitals!). And I felt sure I was seeing a line on this morning's 11DPO super sensitive test, AND the 25mIU test, but that was fainter. But then (excited breathing!), it would be, wouldn't it?! THEN I'd look again, and shake my head at myself because obviously there were no actual lines to see, and I was seeing things and dwelling on the impossible and, and... for shame!! So I tried to get on with my day. Poor Neil kept having to deal with me wondering out loud though. He just smiled at me like I was a little child, which somewhat infuriated me, but I do see his point! :P
I am irritable today like I should not be after getting my period. I have a new spot. A solitary spot, but I never, never, never (I repeat, never) get even one spot outside of a hormonal influence. Those are ovulation, before (BEFORE!) a period, and pregnancy at any time. Never in the first part of my cycle. I am pretty sure that getting a spot or two was one of the things that finally made me sit up and take notice when I was actually pregnant with Elijah but convinced that I had been having my period and was about 10 days into my new cycle! ;) So that's noteworthy. I am bloated and gassy. I am perfectly capable of being bloated and gassy without the help of hormones (*cough*) but I'm noting it because it's a REALLY reliable sign for me in early pregnancy as well.
Today I have continued to have times of being unusually tired out, like hormonally so, not sleep-deprivation-ish (there is a subtle difference in how it feels). This afternoon I suddenly felt utterly bone tired out - even felt grey/dizzy/weak for a while, like all the strength was sudden sapped from me. I also noticed for the first time that jogging up the stairs to get Lydia up from her nap (which I do every day) made me proper out of breath, even by the time I got downstairs with her on my hip I was still breathing harder than normal. I KNOW this is an early pregnancy symptom for me, but whether it's an odd random thing this time, I don't know. Neil did agree with me about my skin being weirdly soft, at 9DPO. I asked him to check again today, and he could not be sure if my skin is weirdly soft or not, though he says it's definitely soft, and MAYBE pregnant-ish. I really think it still is, so I'm charting it as such. As well as the twinges and pains in my pelvic area, I have had times of proper crampiness today, even this evening, and my lower back has had times of feeling stiff or sore (like now), which aren't normal for me at the end of 3 days into a period.
Tonight, about half an hour ago, I whacked my head REALLY hard on the side/corner of the tall dresser that I was standing next to, setting up my pregnancy tests for a photo, lol! This is something I tend to reserve for... ohhh.... the first two weeks of pregnancy, lol! Like dropping or smashing plates/cups/bowls (which I did a few days back - again, NEVER do that, but it's not unusual for me in very early pregnancy for some reason). I know people bang their heads all the time, and for random (or no) reasons, but it's just uncanny. I whacked my head SO hard on the top of a low door frame when I was waiting to test with Arthur - ironically probably at this number of days past ovulation exactly! ;) I have a raised lump on my forehead, and my eye felt funny as soon as I had whacked it - I hope it's okay! :/ Trying to remember that my kids do this to their heads all the time, and they're fine! :P
Two other things that aren't usual for me on CD3 and worth noting, are increased appetite today. I have had to eat some cereal before bed just now, and I never do that.
So, this afternoon I was doing yet more pondering, and thinking about Lydia's pregnancy. I decided to look back at her chart, and when I did, I remembered that I had been 100% sure of my ovulation date, and yet in the end it was changed - anyone remember that? I had my usual obvious ovulation signs and symptoms, and my temperature started rising, so the software confirmed my ovulation right when I knew I had (as usual). But the only thing was that I continued to have EWCM for a couple of days after ovulating. I charted this as each day came, and then when I charted the 2nd or 3rd day of it, the software automatically changed my ovulation date to 3 days later than I *knew* I had ovulated. I was so annoyed! I over-rode the software by removing the EWCM data and it reverted back to the date I was sure of. Then I had a positive test (faint but there) at 9DPO, followed by a negative one the next day - much disappointment and confusion (and does this sound familiar yet?!). In the end, I began to wonder if I really HAD been wrong (I hated to consider it, because I did not want to admit being wrong about something to do with my body - a part I'm so familiar with, even! - and was so SURE about!) about my ovulation date... So I put the EWCM data back in, and the software changed my ovulation date. At the time, that meant that I was still almost too early for testing, and the positive test I'd had would have been at 6DPO - not possible, but bizarre, therefore! When I was REALLY 9DPO, I got my proper positive test, and the rest is history. And my scans confirmed the second ovulation date was correct! *swallows pride*
What got me thinking about that, is that this happened with EWCM again this cycle. I had charted EWCM up to the day of parsnips, which is the day the chart has been saying I ovulated. But I had a LOT of EWCM the next day too. My temp went up that day, and I had ovulation pain or something like it, and felt SURE I had ovulated that day, so I was glad the chart agreed with me! ;) But when I had that fallback in temperature after the initial rise, the software changed my ovulation date to 2 days after the parsnips. Two days later than I felt *sure* I had ovulated. I didn't remember Lydia's pregnancy at the time, I just felt annoyed with the software, and removed the "offending" EWCM data on that day, and felt satisfied when the software reverted my ovulation date to the day of the parsnips again. :) Only today I remembered, and put my EWCM data back where it should have been, IN CASE (and I hate to even think that I could possibly be wrong about my sense of when I ovulated! Nooo, I don't have control issues at all! :P ) I was wrong.
So NOW my chart says I ovulated two days later. My positive test of the other day now took place at 7DPO (too early!), so I don't know what is up with that, but it's uncanny that the exact same thing happened with Lydia's pregnancy! :) And therefore it has now been NINE days since I ovulated, not 11. I'm still not convinced, honestly. My chart looks weird. My coverline is really high, which I never get. My temps therefore appear to be clinging to the coverline a bit, and the original spike in temperature that I *thought* was evidence of ovulation (as it was a normal post-ovulation temp for me) is disregarded as a pre-ovulatory temp - this does not sit comfy with me!
Urgh, I've been rambling on boringly in way too much detail about temps and chart software for WAY too long! Must get to the point and go to bed, it's really late now. I'm SO tired out.
So, I am back to seeing what tomorrow's temp will be. I am sure it will be lower - possibly much lower - than today's or the previous day's, because it's Monday and Neil will go to work. Little ones may well wake me repeatedly in the hours leading up to my waking and temping time, and if Lydia wakes for the day early, that's when I'll have to temp. An early temp is a lower-than-accurate temp, so I expect my temp to have dropped tomorrow. HOW low is the important thing, for me. I'm kind of waiting for a drop into my usual range of "new cycle" temps (36.1 or lower, mayyybe 36.2...), before I release my grip on the "maybe" thing. I have no more sensitive tests, but 4 of the standard type left.
I tried to get a photo of all my tests together, tonight (whacking my head in the process, lol!), but I couldn't get anything to show really. This could be because I am seeing things (!!), or because the light was DREADFUL and I couldn't fix it on the computer either. Anyway, here's what I got. The tests are clearer in reality, but this gives an idea.
The bottom 5 tests are the sensitive ones (10mIU) that I took starting at 7DPO (the original 7DPO), that's at the very bottom, and then 8DPO on that one, and the positive test I got at 9DPO in the middle of those 5 (you can just about see that still, I think?). The negative I got yesterday is above that one, and this morning's "I think there's a line, but I must be crazy" test is at the top of the set of 5. The lone test stick above the 5 is the standard 25mIU test. Here's the photo - and then when I uploaded it to photobucket for sharing here, I saw a funky "effect" to use on the photo which actually brought out the lines I was trying to show, better, so I am posting that one underneath it too:
