Then this morning when I woke up, I felt kind of crampy and I had some pretty bad backache. That has come and gone a bit since before my first positive test, so I didn't think much of it. Until I went to the loo and found I had been bleeding enough to go through a pantyliner. Those are thin, though, so I tried to put it out of my mind. Within an hour, though, I had to change - and the bleeding was red. And I was feeling almost period-crampy. Backache was still there too. :( I didn't know what to expect for the day, but I knew that red bleeding and cramping was not a great sign. Over the next hour I had light-to-moderate red bleeding, and ended up slowing my activities down (stopped doing housework and such, and stayed mostly sitting on the sofa with my little ones, or getting up and down to help kiddies with chores) for a while. I was suddenly really nervous about the scan tomorrow. I hoped that I didn't miscarry today, because then at least maybe I would see some glimpse of a sign of my little one before losing him or her.
But then - the weirdest thing! I stopped bleeding! I mean, just like that! Next time I checked, only the lightest red-brown spotting. A few hours later, a couple of brown spots. A few more hours - NOTHING!!! I know it can always re-start, but I hadn't got down to bleeding this light at all, even yesterday! So I don't know... maybe it was a last "hoorah" from the original bleed?! Or maybe my uterus is having a sudden stretch-and-growth spurt, and that caused the crampy feelings and led to a pick-up in the bleeding for a while? The cramping and most of the backache disappeared over the afternoon. I took painkillers in the morning because it was sore enough, but also I wasn't sure if I was starting a miscarriage. I do hate all this up-in-the-air unknown stuff! :/ But I'm glad and grateful that for now, it has settled right down. I have had some more periody cramps and backache this afternoon and evening, but only for a few minutes at a time, and no bleeding has accompanied it.
I think maybe my uterus is growing. Today is the first day I am feeling full before finishing a meal that I have been putting away easily. Not that I have a huge baby bump restricting my space or anything, but every time there's growth, I find that the "other stuff" gets shoved up a bit and then my body has to adjust. My usual muffin-top (you know, the mummy tummy that won't quite fit under the waistband of jeans!) is WAY more muffin-y today. I was standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaning my back against the wall in a sort of arched way (so my tummy was most prominent) to stretch out my lower back, whilst waiting for a little boy to finish on the toilet so I could wipe him, and happened to glance up and see myself in the mirror in the hallway. I looked like I had a little baby bump, and I stood straight quick, before any of my not-in-the-know boys might see me! ;) I even lay down when I had the chance, and felt just above my pubic bone (and down under a bit) to see if I could feel any sign of my uterus yet - waaaay early at 5 weeks and 2 days, but I usually can feel it just after 6 weeks now that I've had this many babies! ;) No sign yet, but there is a resistance there that wasn't there a couple of days ago, so that's exciting! Signs of change and growth! :)
I really really hope everything is okay. I am nervous about the scan tomorrow, because what if....? Even if everything seems that it will probably all be fine. The what ifs, they get me.
IF everything is fine, today is a very special day. At 23 days past ovulation, my little one's heart began beating today for the first time! Isn't that just SO AMAZING?!! It always is, and never gets old. I'm in just as much awe and like it's fresh and new to me, every single time. We wouldn't be able to see evidence of that at the scan though, because I don't think I am far enough along to even see the baby at all. I think I am not even far enough to see the yolk sac. At this stage I should see a gestational sac though. I remember my scan with Arthur at 5 weeks and 6 days (after I started bleeding the day before), we could see the gestational sac and the yolk sac, but not the baby - he was too tiny yet. So I think I should see the gestational sac, but I'm not sure about the yolk sac at 5 weeks and 3 days... Mayyyybe, but possibly not yet. I hope to see a gestational sac! Hope hope hope!! :) That will be such a major relief, if we do, and it measures about right for dates. I also can't rest easy until I know if there is one, or more than one. I have such a strong gut feel about there being two, but then I remember the morning sickness I had which disappeared, and I'm thinking the gut feeling was there for a reason, but there is likely only one now.
Anyway, we shall see. Moreover I just hope for a healthy pregnancy and a lovely baby! My scan is super early - 8.40am at the hospital, but I chose that time to get it over and done with, and because it would be easier for Neil, since he's working from home, and because I would not have any trouble finding a parking space at the hospital at that time! ;) I was there a couple of hours last time, and then was swamped by children who had missed me for a couple more hours, lol! I don't necessarily expect to be able to update until later in the day, but if everything looks good, and there are no question marks hanging over anything - things they want to follow-up on or "wait and see how it goes", etc. - then I will be a hurry to tell the world, honestly. I need to publically rejoice in this little blessing while I can, even if it's not for long. When I thought maybe I was starting a miscarriage today, I felt a pang of sadness that I'd never told the world, never rejoiced while the baby was still with me, and said, "HEY WORLD!! There's a new life growing inside me!! Celebrate with me!" I really want to share my news now, but I want to wait and see what happens tomorrow first.
I will update when I can! Thanks for the well wishes and lovely support! :)