I so wanted to update the last few evenings, but just haven't had the chance. Yesterday was my Granny's 87th birthday, and a few days before her birthday I ordered a card with all my little boys' smiling faces printed on it, in a large size. When it arrived I knew it was too big to fit through their letterbox, and it was too late to rely on the postal service to get it there for her birthday. Suddenly I wanted to bake her a birthday cake and drive over there (they are about 30 mins drive away) with cake and card on Sunday evening. So I did! I was exhausted, and it was sleeting after pouring with rain all day, but I went anyway. I drove carefully, suddenly really nervous about keeping safe because of all the little loves needing their mama to stay alive and well, not to mention the one I'm carrying with me... But it was so worth it. They were so thrilled to see me, sans kiddies (never happens, ever!) and loved the card and the cake so much. I stayed a while and chatted. They told me they had been feeling a bit isolated and lonely, and Granny was feeling down about her birthday the next day, so then I KNEW why I had such an urge to do that. Thanks Lord! :) I called her tonight and she said it turned her birthday around and made her day. :) Elijah woke right after I went out though, and he cried without stopping until I got home (about an hour and a half), despite Neil holding him and talking to him and rocking him the whole time! He is having major separation anxiety at the moment, and I am pretty sure he is aware of my pregnancy in some way, which probably adds to it. When I got home it was 10.15pm and he wouldn't go to sleep for another hour, even though I was either holding him or breastfeeding him the entire time. He was tired out, and kept rubbing his eyes, but he spent the whole time gazing at my face from about 6 inches away in my arms, and sort of "holding" my face with both hands on my cheeks for long silent periods of time. Sometimes he just leaned his forehead on my chest, and after a minute he would lift it back up, tired as he was, and do the gaze/face-hold thing again. Dear little treasure! My heart just melts for that little boy! He needs his mummy right now, and I'm SO privileged to be HER! :) What an honour!
Anyway, so I have not had time to update lately. I have been really tired.
I am planning to test with the normal cheapy test sticks every other day. I got my positive with the digital test and the less sensitive cheapy test at 10DPO, so I planned to test at 12DPO, 14DPO, 16DPO and 18DPO. I will finish temping and testing at 18DPO. It's just what I like to do! :)
Today I am 14DPO - exactly 4 weeks pregnant. I am still temping. I got my highest temp yet at 12DPO and a darker line on my pregnancy test. :) Then yesterday morning (13DPO) my temp dropped a bit. A fair bit, although still within the high range. I didn't pay it any attention, but today it dropped again. I know it's normal for temperatures to fluctuate in early pregnancy, I do. But I am not allll that thrilled to see it drop twice in a row. It hasn't dropped below the coverline or anything like that, but I am a little anxious to see what tomorrow's temp will be now. I know there's the whole bit of advice that says to just stop temping and not worry about it, but I like a heads up, to be honest. I know it is a bit of extra anxiety, but I would prefer to have a little advanced warning if something is going wrong, than to be hit with it suddenly in an unpleasant way. At least then I am prepared.
I did test this morning for 14DPO, and it's still a good positive, but it doesn't look much darker than the one at 12DPO. The hormone responsible for the line is supposed to double every 48 hours (roughly) if all is going well, so I'm slightly nervous about the fact that it isn't noticably darker.
Here is a rather poor photo of the three cheapy test sticks, but it gives you an idea of what I'm talking about. Top stick is 10DPO, then 12DPO below it and 14DPO at the bottom. See how the 10DPO one is faint, and although the others are faint too, they're stronger than the first one, but basically identical to each other... :S
The difference between my lines at 12DPO and 14DPO in previous pregnancies has been more obvious, sometimes reeeally obvious. I know it's still a nice positive test, and I'm focusing on that as much as possible! I am eager to see my temp tomorrow, and hoping for a nice reassuring rise! I am not planning to test tomorrow.
I am still feeling pregnant, which is another good sign, but I know that even if I miscarry I will continue to have pregnancy symptoms for a bit as my body adjusts. I am going to stop talking about that now. Right now there is no point even thinking about it! :)
I am still mildly crampy here and there, but it has definitely eased off a lot over the past few days. I love the idea that my little one is burrowing in snugly every time I feel those cramps! I will have to start looking up the developmental information that I always follow when I am pregnant - it starts SO early on, and it's amazing to think about what's actually taking place in there as it happens, even as early as this!
My main symptom for the past week has been dizziness. Not a tired out exhausted swing-y-ness, but just vertigo, sort of. I don't like it! It doesn't feel nice, but it's not there all the time. It comes and goes. I definitely feel it's a pregnancy symptom - I did before I even had confirmation that I was pregnant. This week I am trying to combat it with a good diet/fluid intake, and in particular I am trying to eat a lot of protein. I keep hearing people saying that their morning sickness is more bearable if they whack it with lots of protein, and those "crashes" which for all the world seem like low blood sugar (but aren't - sugar doesn't help them. I haven't had any yet though, bit early yet) are actually most easily fixed with protein rather than sugar. Interesting! I am going to really try to keep my protein topped up throughout the day, and hope for a mercifully mild time of morning sickness this time around. I am nervous that on the very slim chance that the baby is a girl, I might have different morning sickness (worse, that is), because it is bad enough with the boys!
I started a food log (just a bit of paper really!) yesterday where I write everything I eat and drink, so I can see what I'm taking in, be held accountable so that I actually make the effort to eat better (because I know I'll be writing it down later!), and to help me pinpoint things that make me feel better or worse later on. So far I am trying to eat a good amount of protein in all 3 meals, and a protein-ish snack at least once a day. I had a hard boiled egg with a glass of milk for my snack today, and didn't feel so dizzy for a while after that, although that could have been a coincidence.
I am hungry, but not insanely so. Definitely need to eat though! Also thirsty, so I am drinking more water than I have been, which is good. Trying to keep to a cup of tea per day (max) as I also eat chocolate and too much caffiene isn't safe in early pregnancy. Finally taking my prenatal vitamins regularly - I didn't even START them until I was testing! Feel a bit bad about that, but it just didn't occur to me... I am getting enough folic acid in my supplement, but also Marmite and fortified cereals are probably giving me another half of my RDA again.
I am not enjoying breastfeeding Benjamin and Samuel much at ALL at the moment. I know that's very very pregnant of me, so in a way it's good! ;) But I feel completely touched out and irritated when breastfeeding them. Benjamin currently asks once or twice in the day and also at bedtime. Samuel asks a LOT, and until I got pregnant it was no trouble to nurse him. I loved it! At the moment it's really irritating, and it's also a bit sore to nurse in general at the moment (normal), so that doesn't help. He's always been a bit of a fiddler while nursing, and I knew a day would come when I would need to nip that in the bud, but I never minded it before really. Well, a bit, but not enough to motivate me to stop him. He has wandering palms and also likes to tweak a bit of my skin (usually my tummy, there's more skin there than I need, lol! Still not gone back to pre-pregnant yet!) between thumb and forefinger and twist it this way and that. Right now it drives me CRAZY. Crrraaaaazzzzzzyyyyy. If he wants a cuddle, is sad or hurt, or sleepy, and isn't breastfeeding at that moment, Samuel will suck his thumb, and put his other hand under my top and fiddle with my tummy. Sometimes he goes to sleep doing this. It's very absent-minded and he probably doesn't realise he's doing it for the most part, and I really haven't minded it at all, but now it's very irritating. Poor Samuel! I so don't want to suddenly get all snappy and irritable, and push his hand away all the time, just when subconsciously he might know something is different about me. But the urge is overwhelming sometimes, it's like I want to pull my own skin off! I have read about this, of course, and know it's very normal and entirely to do with pregnancy hormones.
I don't have such strong feelings when nursing Elijah, but he's starting to do the sitting-up-next-to-me nursing, where he'll do some acrobatics (stand, bob, sit, try and turn his head upside-down, etc) while nursing, and also grabs my breast none-too-gently with a scrunch of his fingers and tries to shove it in his mouth via his grip - those things physically irritate me no end! Gentle sleepy nursing? No problem. Toddler-style nursing? Super irritating. Hey ho! Such is life! I'm so blessed to be nursing my littles, still, while expecting another, and I know the feelings will pass!
This evening when Neil was arriving home from work, I suddenly felt SURE I was bleeding, and waited until he got in and waded through the crowd of small boys, until I had chance to go and check. I was actually surprised that it was just normal CM, and no spotting or bleeding.
This morning I went crazy cleaning and decluttering the dresser in the kitchen. I mean, I cannot even get across to you how BIG a deal this is! That dresser has been cluttered for years. Yeeeeaaaars. So badly that we can't use it for anything, and for the past 6 months or more, it has been too cluttered to even access anything on the shelves properly. I shove a space on it now and then because it's where I store the school stuff for the lessons we'll do over the week ahead, at the weekends. I usually just pile it in a space, and then have to hold the pile steady while I ease out a workbook or some papers, day by day over the week as we need them. It's the best place to store school stuff that we need regularly, because we homeschool at the kitchen table. Anyway, I threw a ton of stuff away, packed up and labelled various bags and put them away, organised craft stuff, and then cleaned the shelves! I cleared the top of the dresser, and climbed up there to clean it (the dust was several mm thick!). I even cleaned the wall up to the ceiling behind the dresser - no more cobwebs! :) I restocked the shelves with school stuff ONLY! Pencils and supplies in glass jars, and I made a cereal box into a magazine holder with some pretty wrapping paper, and put all the worksheets and exercise books in there (with a label!). It looks sooooooo much better, and I'm so proud of my efforts! Heather wanted a photo (she was that amazed at my news of having cleared it, having herself wanted to do *something* with it over the months but never getting chance!) and when I sent it to her she asked what on earth had caused me to be able to do it at last?! I told her pregnancy hormones! Because that HAS to be it, doesn't it? I only do these things when I'm pregnant, it seems, and I tend to really get stuff done when I have those good old hormones working for me! :)
In the afternoon, I was nursing Samuel on the sofa, and he started to fall asleep. I was suddenly overcome with sleepiness. I NEVER get this way, and I am well aquainted with sleep-deprivation and the need to lie down and fall asleep at any (or all) parts of the day, believe me. I often WANT to lie down and fall asleep, but I really don't ever get so that I physically can't keep my eyes open, even trying hard to fight against it, unless I am pregnant. That's what happened today. Samuel leaned against me, and I leaned, and there we leaned, together. He went to sleep, and despite lots of rowdy play around me, and every now and then having to mumble, "Boyshkeepitdownbit" or "Careflov'Lijah" (they were all around me, even 'Lijah), I pretty much dozed and came to, and dozed and came to (repeatedly) for the best part of an hour! I can't remember the last time I did that, even when unwell, or having had hardly any sleep the night before. The boys still came to my side frequently saying, "Look what I built!", "Matthew isn't listening!", "Benji's being horrid!" etc, and I believe I answered them appropriately, but it was a weird time of semi-consciousness where I just. could. not. keep awake properly. I felt like I had taken a sleeping pill or something (not that I ever have, so I can't really say, but yeah!). Finally I pulled myself together, realising the time, and woke Samuel (I only let him nap 30-60 mins max if he falls asleep, to help him keep his night sleep consistent. A short nap seems to suffice even though I'm sure he'd prefer longer!). I went to make a cup of tea in a desperate attempt to WAKE. UP! And while I was making it, it suddenly occurred to me that the sleepy thing was entirely familiar to me ONLY from pregnancies past. Specifically, I seem to do that quite a lot during my first trimester, no matter how well I sleep the night before. I just get "pregnant" exhausted by the afternoon, and often - later in the first trimester - in the mornings as well. So in a way that was really encouraging! :)
The tea did help a LOT, and then at 4.30pm we started school, haha! Very topsy-turvy day. Tuesdays and Thursdays are always our "light" school days (just spelling, reading and handwriting) so I knew I had a bit of leeway, but we got down to it quickly and were finished an hour later! :)
Well it's late and I need to get some good sleep if I can. Elijah has woken a couple of times this evening already. He has cut another new tooth today - that makes four now! Two at the top and two at the bottom. He is also trying to let go of me and stand alone, but hasn't quite managed it yet! My big clever boy at just 8 months old! He is the earliest of all my boys to have four teeth (Matthew was close behind though, by a couple of weeks, I think), and he has suddenly started eating food today too! We are getting over a cold, which is always nice - to be on the other side of it with nobody left to come down with it! :)
I will update my chart with my temp tomorrow. I really hope it has gone back up. I was cold when I temped on the first morning so I wondered if it was just that, but then it dropped again today... I hope everything is okay with my tiny little person in there. I am looking forward to SO many things with this baby, and I really want everything to be well.