Today I had my first midwife appointment - the long booking appointment where you have to go over all the paperwork, medical history, obstetric history (obviously mine takes a while to recount, lol!), etc. The midwife was really nice, and I had been anxious in the waiting room, it being the first time I've had a pregnancy outside of my home town, as we've relocated now. I felt so lightheaded most of the morning, and figured I might have low blood pressure which I would find out about at the appointment.
We did about 40 minutes of the appointment, and I felt more lightheaded than before by the time we'd waded through all the questions and paperwork. I thought I would ask her if I could lie down for the blood tests, just because I was feeling a bit woozy. She stood up to get the equipment and said, "Right, let's get those blood tests done now, shall we?" and out of the blue, sitting in the chair, my underwear suddenly filled with a huge swirl of hot liquid (sorry for the graphics!). I knew instantly that I was bleeding - MAN, I am getting tired of the sensation and the panic it causes! I gasped (it was SO sudden) and said, "OH! I think I'm bleeding, I need to go and check!" and heard her say, "Do you want to go and check?!" at the same moment that I dashed out the door. You have to cross the waiting room to get to the toilets (joy) and I could feel that I was bleeding heavily, so I prayed silently that it wasn't obvious to the world, and expressed internal frustration that I wasn't wearing even a pantyliner (my bleeding from last week slowed to light brown spotting within days, and then non-existant really, these last couple of days, so I had stopped wearing anything). I rushed into the nearest bathroom and got onto the toilet as fast as I possibly could, but I still bled all over the floor, toilet seat and clothing in the few seconds I took to sit down. :( Yet again, steady stream into the toilet water. So so soooo horrible, and I'm fed up with this happening. I don't think anything is wrong with my baby, just with my WOMB, and I am anxious that I could lose my perfectly healthy baby because of what-on-earth is going on with my womb. I don't understand why it keeps happening, and so heavily.
I had that same sharp constant crampy pain over my pubic bone, and the sharp rectal pressure, like last time. It had started earlier in the appointment, and I sat there on the toilet thinking ohhh, I should have known! I just shoved the distraction of it away as I was concentrating on talking to the midwife, and put it down to bowel-related annoyance.
The difference today was that the bleeding was a slightly different colour than last time - last time it was BRIGHT red. This time it was a slightly "browner" red, but it has since settled to normal red. The other difference was that I felt REALLY faint and shaky and weird, in the bathroom at the doctor's surgery. I was trying to clean up the blood off the floor and toilet, and at the same time eyeing the red cord that hangs by the toilet to pull in case of emergency, knowing that I could pull it if I felt like passing out. Also I thought the midwife might check on me eventually, and I didn't know how I would get off the toilet since it was still pouring out, and I had utterly soaked underwear on, no coat or other clothing to put round my waist, and nothing that might serve as a sanitary pad! Eventually I shakily folded wads of paper towels either side of my underwear and hoped for the best. I washed up with the tiny amount of soap left (dear God let me not get a virus from that public toilet!!!), and went back to the midwife. She ordered me to lie down the moment I came in the room, and when I promptly bled through my makeshift sanitary pad, she couldn't find any in the building (for goodness' sakes?!) so she folded up a flannel sheet into an enormous bulky thing and I put that in my jeans, mumbling something about it being so undignified, lol! ;) Keeping my sense of humour helps me in big scary moments. If I haven't got it, I go straight to outright panic. :/
She said to call a stop to the appointment, because we didn't know the "outcome" of things yet, but she wanted me to go to the hospital, and I had driven myself the 15 minutes to the appointment in Neil's work car (we only have massive minibus otherwise!), and she told me there was no way I was fit to drive! She asked if I wanted her to call 999 for an ambulance, and I said that seemed a bit over the top so I wasn't sure... She called the hospital and they have booked me another "viability" scan for tomorrow morning, at 9.15. Then she said at the very least, someone would have to come and get me, and take me home. Neil was working from home today so I could go to the appointment, and watching the kiddies while I was out. She called him (I felt SO BAD!!!) and told him I was unwell and bleeding again, and could he please come and get me. He put the children in the minibus and drove over. I felt too faint to talk at first, even lying down with my knees up. She watched me with a concerned expression and asked me constantly if I was doing okay, and she took my blood pressure (100/60 - my norm, which I was relieved about!) and pulse, and my pulse was fine too, so that was reassuring. I wonder if it was just shock or something, and I had already felt so lightheaded and woozy before anyway.
So after a while I worried about getting up from lying down when Neil arrived, in case I came over funny, so I got up slowly and sat in a chair to see how I would get on. The midwife sat with me, and eventually asked if she could do some paperwork next to me, if I would tell her the moment I started to feel worse. She got me some water, which I felt desperate to drink, but upon taking the first sip I was reminded that I can't tolerate normal tap water without feeling really morning sick - whoops! So I didn't really drink much of it after all. I felt a bit less woozy after maybe 10 or 15 minutes. I was aware of bleeding, but thankful for a big wad of bedding between my legs, lol! So at least I didn't have to think about it much or go to the toilet again to sort it out.
When Neil turned up, they showed him to the room we were in, and the midwife said she would walk with us to the car park to make sure I got to the vehicle safely. We had to walk through the waiting room again, and as she was walking behind me, I felt her subtly tug the back of my top down as low as it would go, bless her! So much fun to walk through a roomful of bored strangers with blood stains on your backside. :/
By the time I got to the van I was really bleeding heavily and I thought I had probably soaked through the folded sheet, so I sat in there quickly. The kiddies were pretty well behaved, and Lydia dozed off on the way home. I went straight upstairs to change and put a proper pad on. I still felt so crampy, and I took painkillers and just sat as still as I could. I soaked through the first pad in about 15 minutes, and the next one in maybe 40 minutes. The next one took an hour or so to soak through. I had to change my clothes again once, and slightly stained the sofa once too. :( Really heavy bleeding.
It's late now, and my bleeding is still going, though it's dripping into the toilet when I sit there, instead of running. It is more like a very heavy period now, and calming down. I still feel kind of crampy and uncomfortable, but that is easing too. It was a few hours before I had chance (with the little ones around) to use my Doppler, and when I did, it took me about 3 or 4 minutes of PROPER scariness, not finding a heartbeat ANYWHERE! Finally, over to one side, there it was. I was so relieved! 166bpm and I heard movement as well, after a while. The heartbeat moved away from the Doppler a little, and I heard a couple of bumps and "splatches" on the Doppler that I know are little kicks and movements. :)
So THAT is reassuring. I just wish I wouldn't bleed like this.... it can't be good for the pregnancy if it keeps happening, surely? I feel like it's putting my baby at risk, and that worries me. I hope they can reassure me tomorrow, but I'm not sure how. They seemed to put it down as "one of those things" the other times, but it leaves me wondering how many more times I'm going to suddenly haemorrhage, and whether one of those times will cause a miscarriage or something?! :/
So, I have a scan in the morning and will update later about it, when I can. If I'm super tired, I might not until the next day, because at least I know that my little one is alive and well tonight. But I will get to it soon.
The midwife appointment up to that point was SUPER encouraging, by the way! :) I will elaborate another time. I have to get to bed now.