That was not what I was expecting! I still felt pregnant. Last night when I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, I had PROPER bad cramps, at last! :) Without a period to go with them, I knew that they meant implantation, so that was exciting! :) They were hot and vice-like, definite period-or-implantation cramps. I was lying on my back, and I had that BH contraction feeling, and after that I had some vice-like pressure/searing cramps, quite like period pain. This stayed until I went to sleep, along with some on-and-off periody cramps. DEFINITELY "bad cramps". This morning the bad cramps were gone (another absolute pregnancy sign for me, without a period having arrived while the bad cramps were there), and I just felt mildly crampy.
So, after I got up and prayed, and the children woke up, and we had breakfast, I finally got around to going for the first wee of the day, lol! I tested around 13 hours after the last test last night, and expected at least a line as clear as yesterday's but it looks negative to me. :( There's a shadow of a line, I think, more like yesterday morning, but still negative. :( I checked it against yesterday morning's test and yesterday evening's, and I can really see the difference - it looks like yesterday morning's, and the evening test is a more obvious positive, though very faint. I really was not expecting my period to show though. I definitely felt (feel!) pregnant, but with a drop like today's and a negative test at 9DPO, I suddenly felt doubtful for the first time this cycle... Maybe it's going to be another chemical pregnancy? I was so sure it wouldn't be though...
By late morning I was feeling very crampy and heavy in the pit of my abdomen again, and thus began the many many trips to the loo to check to see if I had my period, because I started to get paranoid! I felt like I was leaking something at one point in the morning, but it was just CM. It reminded me VERY much of being actually pregnant! ;) It's such normal behaviour at this stage in my luteal phase when I AM pregnant! :) Especially with feeling SO crampy like I was, proper heavy periody cramps, which NEVER happens unless I'm pregnant. I was also greatly reassured when I started to feel very mildly queasy around 11am, same as before. By 11.30am I was feeling scrunchingly hungry, and have been very hungry and nibbly the rest of the day, so I'm definitely charting increased appetite. My skin is weirdly soft today, for sure, which Neil confirmed when he got home from work! :) I have constant crampiness, sometimes more mild, but mostly moderate to bad cramps this morning. This afternoon I have had mild cramps, mostly. I am still getting new spots that I only ever get when hormones are involved, but more commonly for me when pregnant. Still having some heartburn. The backache I had yesterday is now very mild on the right side - I can still prod a sore muscle the same as before, but the searing pain is gone, so maybe it WASN'T an injury after all?! :) The same on-and-off discomfort/pulling/pain is there on the front right side which I originally thought was radiating pain from my back "injury", but now I'm thinking maybe implantation? I would absolutely have put it down to that originally, if it weren't for the muscle pain through the other side in my back.
I ended up going crazy and testing again with 2nd morning urine only 2-3 hours after doing the previous (negative) test! :P I remembered a dear friend saying she gets her BFPs with 2nd morning urine, and does better with 25miU tests than 10miU ones, so I tested with a newly arrived 25miU test, and saw a shadowy line within the first minute or two. I was so encouraged! BUT, very faint, and really when I waited longer, it didn't get stronger, and I'm not convinced there's colour to it... can't be an evaporation line after only 1-2 minutes while the background is still clearing, surely?! Also now it's dried a bit, I'm not sure if I can see ANY line at all in certain lights and at certain angles, so does that negate the line I can see at a flat-on-the-sink-surface angle?! I would post a photo, but it's all too faint to show up, and I couldn't be bothered to faff about with photo editing software! DEFINITELY still feel pregnant, but the tests and temp are confusing me! :/
So then, fast-forward to this evening. I had been continuing to feel mildly queasy all afternoon, and Neil was home, and I told him about my temp drop and said that I had been checking my underwear all day because of paranoia! And on that note, I said I would just go and check it again, since I hadn't for an hour or so. TOTALLY did not expect to see pink spotting. :( Then I thought, well, it's only a little, and it's only pink, and you know, spotting is actually quite common in healthy pregnancies during implantation (as I personally know already!). But still - sinking feeling...
I put a pad on so I could keep an eye on it, and carried on with kiddies' dinner and pyjamas and nappies and bedtime, etc. Right before the boys got in bed, I found a moment to dash to the loo to check the pad - nothing on it! So I was encouraged. About 30 minutes in to doing their individual snuggles and prayers (it takes me about an hour to work through them all), I felt leaky, and went to check. A couple of tiny spots on the pad, but RED. Hmmm, not so good, maybe? I finished bedtime and went downstairs to find Neil cooking dinner for us (sometimes we eat after they are in bed, but often we all eat as a family). So I took the chance to check again - a couple more red spots, not much. I also noticed that the bad cramps and backache were back, starting when I first saw the pink spotting, but that has been here on-and-off through the day anyway. So maybe it's a period, and maybe not?
After we ate dinner, I felt leaky again, and now I have more of a hot searing backache and the same cramps as before, but darker red spotting, and more of it. :( I wouldn't call it flow yet, it's definitely just spotting, but I'm thinking now that it might be the start of the end. My temperature should confirm that in the morning, but I took a look at my chart from last cycle, and saw that my temp dropped to exactly the same temp as today, the day I started bleeding, and THEN it hung around at that level the next day, and then went UP the day after! Talk about confusing! I will be frustrated if that happens again this time, because it really doesn't allow me to have closure on things, it keeps me hoping that MAYBE I'm still pregnant and it's just implantation, when I'm not and it isn't. I am thinking maybe my progesterone levels are still too low, like they were when the doctor checked them last year. I'm wondering, anyway. I'm getting older after all...
The only thing left to hope with, is that I still feel properly morning sick this evening. I feel shattered - totally physically wiped out, very like pre-period, or the normal early pregnancy exhaustion. The smell of washing powder makes me feel sick and gaggy today. I definitely have some symptoms that can't be explained away by anything other than pregnancy hormones, and I don't have a shadow of doubt in my mind that I've conceived, but I think maybe it can take a day or two for those hormones to drop enough for the symptoms to subside? I don't know. I was still feeling generally more hopeful than not, even with the spotting, but now that it's a bit heavier I don't know. Last cycle when I started bleeding though, it was BRIGHT red, and I noted it as weirdly so - crazy bright, for days. This is dark red, which I guess is more in keeping with my early pregnancy bleeds in past pregnancies...
There's not much I can do by just wondering and going round in circles! I should go to bed, and see what the morning brings. Temp, which should drop if this is my period, and if it doesn't drop - if it stays level or goes up, then test. I am feeling less and less hopeful of seeing a positive test this time around though. :(