I know I have anxiety issues, but lately I am getting very scared about something. I have a lot of symptoms that can be due to ovarian cancer, and it's scaring the diddly out of me. :/ The periods thing isn't normal, but hey, I've let that one slide because who knows, I could possibly be pre or peri-menopausal? Or just wacky hormones? Or because of the rapid weight loss (another dodgy potential cancer symptom I had earlier this year)? COULD be within the range of normal, easily - still breastfeeding at 14 months PP. But I *know* it's not normal for me, whatever the reason for it...
I have had gastro issues all year. I've mentioned them here before, but basically gastritis, crazy horrible nausea and bloating which have all been persistant, though not constant throughout the whole year. For months, at the beginning of the year, they were constant and I went to the doctor sooo many times, and was referred to a gastroenterologist who couldn't feel anything wrong and by my symptoms he suggested my trouble might be chronic slow-transit constipation. Laxatives that he prescribed made me ill (dizzy, faint, shaky, nauseated, exhausted, etc.) so I didn't continue with those. I have had IBS for EVER, the constipation type, so I'm used to living with constipation. The gastric symptoms haven't been nearly so bad in the last 4 or 5 months, but they occur still once a week or two - sometimes I'm kept up at night feeling sick or with stomach pain and bloating. It MUST be better than it was earlier in the year because I find myself trying to think if it's as bad, or what "that bad" used to feel like, for comparison.
Lately I'm feeling bloated and gassy and yucky again. Not so much with the upper stomach and nausea, which I'm glad about (that was horrible!), but very constipated and uncomfortable. Not way out of my norm (more constipated than I'm used to though), but with other symptoms, it's a potential ovarian cancer symptom.
I hurt my back when we moved here, and had to see a chiropractor. It got much better, and then a few weeks ago - maybe 4? I hurt it again, or rather, it started hurting again in a similar place. I had to ice it like I did when I was seeing the chiropractor, and then it started to improve a little bit. I forgot to continue with the ice and never really kicked the back pain, but it was manageable. About 3 or 4 days into the back pain, I started getting a sharp, deep pain in my right side, between my hip and rib cage, right in the soft tissue. I've had it before, but I can't put my finger on when - this year I think? And maybe even occasionally before that? I thought maybe it was part of the back pain issue, like a pulled muscle or referred pain from an injury somewhere else. Maybe it is? I have had that same pain every single day, all day long, ever since. Three weeks at least. It is much worse now, and distracts me from doing things with my children, and housework. It doesn't prevent me but it hurts such a lot. It's SORT OF like muscle pain, but I feel like it's coming from somewhere deeper, or somewhere else. I got very anxious about it being a referral pain from some organ or other, and more so as it has become worse. I can't push on it and give myself pain - no muscles seem tender, and I can't find a place to aggravate it in my side anywhere... :/
About a week ago I started getting more constipated, and also began to get distractingly painful pelvic pain, low in my front and also in my lower back. Not crampy like from my uterus, not like period pain. I wondered (without feeling convinced) for a while if maybe I was just building up for a crazy ovulation (?!) or something. Maybe I had ovulation pain? I had tons of EWCM (the constancy and amount of it isn't normal for me either, without ovulation following, for this long), so that supported the ovulation pain idea. But morning after morning (after morning) I kept having low temps - no ovulation.
At the same time my lower abdomen started to be bloated most of the time. Like 16-20 weeks pregnant, bloated. I don't know - I put that down to constipation, *maybe*... or again *maybe* it was hormonal? Just this past week, but still... It does go down sometimes, but I can't find anything to say that means it ISN'T ovarian cancer. Bloating is an ovarian cancer symptom.
One symptom I don't have is needing to wee frequently or urgently, so that is reassuring, but then I didn't get much of that early in pregnancy when it was a typical early pregnancy symptom either... Sometimes, though.
This week, I am in a lot of pain in my side and my central and lower abdomen. My little children are typically clambering and pushing on my tummy a lot as they cuddle or breastfeed, and I absolutely cannot tolerate it at all. I flinch if they get near my tummy and clench my muscles involuntarily to protect myself. If I push anywhere along my bikini line, I get a sharp pain, and the same anywhere below my tummy button, but central (not to either side). Something is definitely up - I hope so much that it's something harmless and temporary, but I'm really scared that it's not.
On Friday it was so painful and I became so scared about it that I called Neil and asked him to arrange to work from home on Monday so I could go to the doctor. It wasn't easy waiting through the weekend and hurting, and wondering why. I was so nervous by the time I saw the doctor on Monday. He agreed that I need some tests done - I did a urine sample, and was sent to the hospital for blood tests - they took 6 tubes! The receptionist said, "Ooh, they want a lot from you, don't they?!" - helpful! :/ While I waited in the waiting room, I felt sick and faint and the pain in my side became almost kidney-stone-like - sharp and spasmy. I wondered if it was a kidney stone, since I have a history, but it doesn't seem the same to me. The sick and faint thing might have easily been anxiety for me - I was pretty anxious there... Anyway, I looked at the form while I was waiting and saw that they're testing all my hormone levels for ? peri-menopause. :( I hope it's not that! I don't feel ready yet! But I'd rather that than something potentially terminal... Also they're doing a full blood count and so on. And inflammatory factors, and things like that. I didn't see any reference to the CA 125 blood test - the tumour marker for ovarian cancer, which I had done in the spring. It was normal in the spring so I thought, "Phew! At least it's not that!" but I've since read that in the early stages most women have a normal result on that test, and it's best to repeat it if symptoms persist. *gulp* I wish I'd thought to ask them to do that test too...
The doctor felt my tummy which was very painful, and commented that I did seem to be in a lot of pain in my pelvic area and mid-line higher up. He didn't say anything about feeling lumps or bumps, or even encourage me by saying he could tell I was constipated! ;) He said I need to get an ultrasound scan to check for "anything ovarian, going on". I told him I was concerned about something to do with my ovaries at the start. At the end he said it shouldn't take long to get my results (Thurs or Fri this week for the bloods and urine), and I have to phone to make my own scan appointment any time from Thursday this week (tomorrow) - I asked if it would be a long wait for an appointment and he said no. So I don't know what that means, but I'm not sure if it will be before the New Year. :/
At the end of my appointment I said, "I'm quite anxious... Is there anything that I need to be worried about?" And he said that based on my current symptoms, he didn't think so, and that we'd get the tests done and go from there. I felt better for hearing that, but... being an anxious person and having time to think about it since then... doctors say that kind of thing, don't they? Urgh.
I'm googling like crazy to try to find something that will tell me SOMETHING in my list of symptoms will rule out the likelihood of ovarian cancer. I know it's rare under the age of 40, but I'm reading an AWFUL lot of stories of much younger women than me, with ovarian cancer. It happens. And I'm nearly 39. Not that far under 40. Ovarian cancer isn't usually discovered until it has become advanced, because the symptoms are vague or non-existant until then. So it doesn't have a great survival rate once discovered. Totally scared out of my brains. I needed a place to vent all my thoughts and anxieties, and to list out my physical symptoms, and I can't do that anywhere but here really. I have to wait, and waiting is really hard when I'm constantly distracted by pain and can't help but think what it means.
I do not have any issues with feeling too full to eat proper portions - that's another thing in my favour! :) But I do have nausea and feelings of bloated yuckiness between meals sometimes. That could be just my IBS or stress-related gastric issues, I guess. It all COULD be just this or that which I'm already dealing with. But I don't want those issues to be masking something dangerous - just because I have IBS, GERD, a history of kidney stones, major stress levels, and an anxiety disorder, if I had cancer somewhere in my abdomen causing me symptoms, that would still be somewhat masked by my other "stuff", but shouldn't be just fobbed off *because* I have that "other stuff".
I will update again. Just needed to get it off my chest. And I would appreciate prayers that everything is okay! :/