I'll put them in the belly gallery eventually, but for now here they are - the first one is 20w6d:
And this next one is 22w4d. I look more tired in this one, but nowhere near as tired as I actually feel!
People are just now seeing me as obviously pregnant at church - just today I had many people congratulating me for the first time, saying they'd wondered for a while but didn't want to ask in case I just hadn't "gone down" after the last one yet! ;) Now they are SURE, hehe! I wore what I'm wearing in the 22 week photo to church this morning so I guess it was a fairly obvious outfit! ;)
So exhausted though. I don't feel too well with it. Heather told me at church this morning that I look pale enough to concern her, and she knows I am not sleeping great at the moment but she would like me to get my haemoglobin levels checked. I am inwardly sighing at that idea, because of the faff of arranging and attending a midwife appointment (I don't have one now until 28 weeks otherwise), and I'm reluctant to bother anyway because I've NEVER been anywhere near low with my haemoglobin during any of my pregnancies, but I've been this tired here and there during all of my pregnancies, especially the last few, I think. I don't think it's a getting older thing, I think it's just the sheer demand on me physically as I have more children. I am breastfeeding two (very little milk left though), and a third (Benjamin) is still having the odd breastfeed at bedtime several nights a week, and very occasionally in the day if he asks and it's convenient for me at that time. Elijah wakes several times at night and breastfeeds. Lately I have much worse Restless Leg Syndrome (typical for me during pregnancy, though I can get it badly when not pregnant if I'm tired enough), and it affects my arms too and sometimes my torso when it's really bad. This makes it almost impossible to bear lying still enough to breastfeed during the night, and Elijah gets cross and screechy if he can't nurse to sleep. *sigh* So night wakings are more prolonged and demanding than they used to be. He's settling sometimes now with me rubbing his back for a few minutes. But it can be 30 or more minutes up with him in the night per waking, sometimes. Yawwwwn. I have no plans to night wean, though I probably should start thinking about what I plan to do about it soon.
Anyway, in the absence of a midwife appointment/haemoglobin check (which I feel sure is fine anyway), Heather has insisted I go out and buy some Floradix liquid iron to take, and I've done that today, along with some liquid magnesium of the same brand. As well as the Restless Leg Syndrome, I am having increasing bother from cramps in the muscles on the sides of my lower legs - not the big calf muscle that's more typical. A couple of nights ago I woke up at 4.30am with one of them in hard cramp and I couldn't release it no matter what I did! I tried stretching it, walking, massaging. Elijah was asleep next to me, but I knew he would probably wake up pretty soon if I kept fidgetting about and then I knew the pain of the cramp would prevent me being able to lie still and breastfeed him until he was asleep again, so I got up and tried to walk some more. I was just debating waking Neil and asking him to keep an eye on Elijah (as he was stirring) so I could try - I don't know what! - hot compress? Painkillers?! I had no idea how to release the cramp! If I didn't physically pull my foot straight, the whole thing twisted by itself at the ankle until it was bent inwards and under, and I couldn't override it with just my muscles, I had to physically force it in place with my hands and hold it there! While I was standing in the dark on the landing wondering what to do, I noticed it easing a little bit, and so I stayed where I was until it was eased enough to head back to bed. It hurt like I'd strained the muscle the next day and it's a bit sore today, but I was careful to try not to move that particular leg muscle at ALL last night when I woke at 4am (for a wee - needing a wee once each night this week, which is new this pregnancy). It felt "dodgy", like it would have like to cramp up but thankfully it didn't. So hopefully magnesium will help with both the RLS and the cramps.
Little baby-lady-girl is growing well! She has grown SO much, I can feel the difference in the last two weeks. Her kicks went to "pretty big" last week and I thought that was a big jump in growth, but just yesterday and today I suddenly have kicks above my tummy button from feet which feel like proper 3rd trimester paddles, lol! I also felt her doing all sorts of fiddly plucky things with what felt very clearly like fingers, low down, this afternoon. She was head down at the scan, and I think she still is, although at this early stage that could change several times a day even!
I LOVE using the word "she"!! It is really settling in now that I'm having a baby girl, and I can't describe how joyful the past two weeks have been since we found out! :) I have bought a number of baby clothes on eBay and they've been arriving thick and fast in the post since then - such a wonderful fun time! :) The boys are excited, especially Arthur, seeing her clothes arrive. When the first ones came, they went a bit quiet and Arthur said it felt a bit strange seeing such different clothes, because it reminded him that it would be something different this time, and he doesn't do well with unknowns (Asperger's) so he was a bit unsettled by it at first. I reminded him that she would look like the boys, because she has come from the same Mummy and Daddy, and he brightened right up about it when I told him happily how I saw her nose and lips at the scan and they looked so very much like Matthew's had at his scan! :)
They are DESPERATE to know her name! We told them we are not going to tell them her name until much later in the pregnancy, because it's Mummy and Daddy's secret right now. They know the name will be for family and close friends ONLY, and that we are worried the littler boys will tell people accidentally if they know, so we will tell them "when it's time", later, but definitely before she is born. Arthur keeps asking questions all the same - he is never one to drop a subject, lol! He asked if it's a Bible name, and I said yes. He asked if it was Mary, and I said no, it's not found very often in the Bible. He asked if it was an Old Testament name or a New Testament one, and I told him New Testament, but THAT'S IT - no more clues! He will figure it out otherwise (he may anyway!) and I am not going to tell him if he guesses right, not at the moment anyway.
I am getting used to thinking of Lydia by name. I have her little clothes piled on the stairs where they are placed out of the way when they arrive and have been looked at and stroked, etc. I have my favourites of them all upstairs in the box of Elijah's clothes (he's STILL in 6-9 month clothing!) next to my bed. There's a sleepsuit that I got which I am in LOVE with. I should take a photo of it and post it. As soon as I unwrapped it and saw it, I knew it was the first thing I wanted Lydia to be dressed in after she's born. KNEW it. It is size newborn (7.5lbs, I think, which she should still fit into if she's a pound heavier if memory serves, as a brand new little person!) with slightly frilled cuffs on the sleeves, white with pink trim, and little pink roses printed all over it. It's still just a sleepsuit, but I'm in love. Every time I wake up and get out of bed I see it, and every time I take Elijah up for a nap or get him when he wakes, and when I go to bed. It makes me smile and feel warm inside every time, and I always stop to touch it for a moment. I say her name inside my head when I see it, and my whole heart fills with longing for the day when she's HERE and I put her in it (or someone does for me), and I hold her (I typed "him", haha! Force of habit!) - MY DAUGHTER! - and look at her in my arms, being all real and mine and clothed in this beautiful girly little sleepsuit. Sometimes I have a moment where fear clutches at my throat as I think of mothers who are filled with pain looking at a sleepsuit like I am doing, with a more raw and unbearable longing in their hearts for the baby that should be inside it, because their little one never made it to that point. I don't know what I'd do if that happened to Lydia - to me. Just for a second, I look at it and imagine looking at it with that longing. It's crazy to let my mind go there, but somehow it's hard to stop it - I don't let it linger, and I pray and try to focus on something else. I have these flashes of anxiety about ALL of my unborn babies - it's not just because she's a girl.
Anyway, her sweet first outfit is ready! :) And I'm having such a glorious time choosing and purchasing and stroking my little girl's teeny weeny little DRESSES, and floral patterns, and little frills on things, and sweet shades of pink against whites or denims. And baby tights that match a pattern on a top/dress set!!!! Even the boys went, "Aaawwwwww!!" when I pulled that one out of the package one morning when the postman came! :) Whenever packages arrive they all stop playing and crowd round, shouting, "Baby girl clothes! Baby girl clothes!" How I love my boys! :)
When the first eBay package came, I took photos of the items in it, as I had promised a friend on Facebook that I would! So I have those to post here, for sweet memory's sake! It was a precious moment for me to receive my first "pink" package in the post, and a permanent memory treasure, so I'm glad to record it here with photos! :) They are all sized "newborn" and very soft and lovely! The dress is soft brownish cord with pink sequins on the embroidery, and buttons on the back in the shape of hearts and flowers! :)
Arthur constantly refers to Lydia as "my little sister", almost as though he's longing to use the term as often as possible while he doesn't have an actual name he can use. Part of me really wants to tell him her name! He finds an item of her clothing lying around and grabs it up, calling to me, "What shall I do with my little sister's top?" He says he doesn't think he can bear waiting until she's here!
One day last week, an eBay package arrived with a couple of outfits in size 3-6 months. One of them looked overly generous in size, though it was definitely 3-6 months (Marks and Spencer brand), and when I took it out and held it up, Arthur said, "That would fit Elijah!" I held it up against him (he was toddling along some furniture in the living room) and realised it would be a perfect fit!!! Arthur BEGGED me to put it on Elijah, "just to see", and so I did! I took photos. Arthur was fussing over him like crazy after I took them. Elijah kept wanting to do normal stuff and walk about and play, etc. and Arthur wouldn't stop following him and picking him up. He kept holding him in his arms, bouncing him a bit, saying how sweet he looked! I noticed he seemed to be holding him more tenderly and gently than usual, and he told me it was because Elijah seemed "different" with the baby girl clothes on. I asked in what way, and he said, "Just softer and sweeter... like he's a baby girl... I just can't wait until our baby girl is here!!!" Bless his heart! I don't know where he got the stereotypes from there, but they're straight from his heart/head, not influenced - I don't know how he could have influence in terms of gender-related things. There's only one gender of children here, they're homeschooled and watch no TV! They have watched TV in the past though, including advertisements. *sigh* Hate those things! Anyway, here are the photos of sweet lil 'Lijah in his baby sister's clothes - he looks so pretty and sweet, hehe!
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I hadn't noticed until Ella mentioned it that he is being all dainty with his little pointy toe in the first photo, hehe! He wore the outfit for an hour or two, and then I thought I ought to probably change him out of it, since it was too warm for the weather and he'd dribbled on it pretty well in that time! ;) Here he is all "boy" again an hour later:
Sweet tiny manny! He's so tiny for his age!! I bought him his first shoes (at last, after a massive search!) this week - he fits size 2F (!!!) but I bought him size 2.5F as well because he's sure to be in those soon. So weeeeeeeeny!!
Anyway, it's late and I'm tired, and I'm sure I have a lot else to report on my pregnancy over the past week or two, but I can't think any more and I just need to get some sleep. I'm glad to have updated with the photos and the belly pics, and with how it feels to be having a baby GIRL (GIRL GIRL GIIIIIRRRRLLLL!!! Can't stop saying it like that still!) in the couple of weeks since we found out!
I will try to update again soon!